Second Trimester

So I started the second trimester having a cold and morning sickness at the same time. It was NOT pretty given that I couldn't/ didn't want to take any medication. It also marked one of the handful of times I threw up at work, which was equal parts embarrassing for me and served as adequate birth control for my Graduate Assistants.

Despite the awkward start, the second trimester was a dream come true. The morning sickness faded and I had my energy back. I also began wearing maternity clothes (Motherhood Maternity is awesome, by the way - the clothes make you feel comfortable and good about looking pregnant) pretty quickly, not because of my expanding belly, but because of my expanding bust-line, which went up another 3 cup sizes in the 2nd trimester (that's 5 so far for those of you doing the math). Because of this, I had some pretty painful sciatica and mid-back pain. I learned that I needed to rest for a few days each time I went through a growth spurt and then the back pain would subside fairly quickly. I started doing prenatal yoga (I was a fertility graduate now) at Mother's Embrace Yoga which was not only helpful for my back, but emotionally calming as the group discussions continued as the class was all expectant mothers. It also helped that every time Mike saw me crawl over to the yoga mat at home to stretch my back he would run over and massage my back for me. I know how pregnancy can either unite or divide a couple based upon the research; the stress alone can cause many to retreat into themselves. But, every day, I saw myself and my husband grow, not only as individuals, but together as a couple. I became sensitive to the changes he was feeling. He may not be experiencing all of the physical changes I felt, but he was changing as a person, socially and emotionally. This is often overlooked in pregnancy; I felt his emotions were just as important as mine. He became so attuned with my emotions and body that he developed some pregnancy symptoms himself, much to his dismay. He started saying things like, "I love you honey and I am here for you, but I am NOT sympathetic," hoping to cut down on any sympathetic pregnancy symptoms. I didn't think it was possibly for me to love him any more than I already did, but I found myself falling more and more in love with him every day.

I counted myself lucky because I didn't have any of the mood shifts that most women have during pregnancy. To me, it was like an increased hormonal experience of P.M.S. I was never irritable or moody. During P.M.S. and exponentially during pregnancy, I just cry more at things that touch my heart; unfortunately that can include commercials. I only had one day where I was really sad; I had taken an honest look at my life and realized one thing I had to curb was my spending. It crushed me to imagine that something that I could do would impact my family badly in any way or that it would teach my baby a lesson that I did not want him or her to internalize. I resigned myself to look at money differently now, got a new program (Quicken) that kept track of all spending on credit cards and in our checking account and kept track every day. I won't say that I'm perfect, but I am so much more conscious now than I was.

Even though I was enjoying every day of the pregnancy and staying in the moment, I began to look forward to two things in particular: the gender scan and feeling the baby kick. Because I couldn't control those things I decided to pour my energy into nesting and finishing the baby nursery. We went with dark brown walls (which Mike originally thought looked like poop), a Nali Jungle theme and furniture from overstock.com. I tried to pick everything up on clearance or on sale because we had so much time. I actually ended up getting the convertible crib, dresser and nightstand for around $400, which was less than the price for the crib we wanted at Babies'R'Us. Babies are so expensive -- even before they are born! I put lots of animals in the nursery; I included these not only because they are all good totems, but because I wanted the room to be whimsical and fun. I also picked up tons of clothes on clearance and on sale; All of them boys' clothes or slightly neutral. I found there are only so many frogs and ducks you can stand. I didn't realize that clothes were 1) so gender stereotyped and 2) needed to be appropriate for size and season. For example, if the baby is going to be 6 months in February, you don't want to get shorts for them. It made me wonder how many inappropriate shower gifts I had given people before...

The only thing I had left in the nursery were the Nali Jungle letters in his or her name. I figured I would wait to hear definitively the sex of the baby before I invested in those.

On March 1, 2012, I felt this funny little flutter in my belly. I was at work and asked Tanya, our department secretary, to describe what the baby moving felt like. She confirmed what it was. I felt the baby move a few more times over the next few weeks and then the tiny flutters changed to much more forceful movements, that left nothing to question. This was one of the best experiences of pregnancy for me; it confirmed that the baby was doing well and connected me with this little soul who was growing inside of me. I won't lie though - when the baby got stronger and started moving my stomach around, it looked a little like the movie Alien. But I was and am always thankful to feel these movements which continue to affirm the baby's health and our connection. Mike didn't feel the baby move until May 1st and his response was "Was that you?" I looked at him sarcastically and said, "Yes, I have perfected my stomach muscles in order to make them push out randomly to mimic a baby kick. It's been tough, but in the end I think it's worth it." We laughed, but later on there was no question to him that this was the baby moving as the kicks became incredibly strong.

On March 23, 2012 we had our gender scan. I could barely sleep the night before. On our minds were a few things. First, Mike's beloved grandmother was ill; she had been diagnosed with cancer and only a few months to live. She told everyone and anyone who would listen that she WAS going to make it until the baby was born. She would see Mike's baby no matter what. However, since Mike had two sisters, the only way to carry on the Ginicola name through this part of the family was for Mike to have a boy. Grandma just started referring to the baby as a boy, which made both of us feel nervous. What if it wasn't a boy?? What if I was completely wrong about my intuition?? I would have a heck of a return to do at Carter's and Babies'R'Us. My parents also had 3 granddaughters and if our baby was a boy, this would be their first grandchild in 20 years AND their first grandson. Oh, the pressure. The night before I asked my spirit guides for guidance and to help me relax about it. That night I had another vision dream where my female spirit guide handed me the baby. She smiled and said, "See - you were right." I looked down to see a little boy, but I kept checking throughout the dream just to make sure. When we got to Yale, the woman who did the sonogram highlighted all of the baby's features that were "perfect". She got a great picture of the baby's feet, despite the baby moving like a jumping bean. Then she got the money shot. She asked us again if we wanted to know the gender; Mike and I unanimously screamed, "YES"! She laughed and said, "Well he's not shy, he just flashed me pretty good." Mike and I cried out together. We cried because he was really real to us at that moment, we cried because my intuition was right, we cried because I wouldn't have to return all of those clothes and we cried because we could let Grandma see the Ginicola name carry on before she left this earth.

Once the gender and feeling him move was realized, reality set in. There were so many things to consider, to research, to read about. A feeling of urgency set in for both Mike and me. There was so much that we learned that I can't possibly put into one blog posting, so I'm going to split it up into content rather than time. As we began to read more and we became prepared, Mike turned to me one day and said something that touched my heart so deeply and that I will never forget. He said, "I was so worried about being a father. I didn't know if I would be good at it and I worried for Wilson. But, I'm not as worried anymore at all because when I think about him, I realize that you will be his mom and we are both so lucky for that." Not only did I cry when he said that to me, it made me realize how lucky I was to be with my thoughtful and amazing husband and to be chosen by this beautiful child who was changing my life already.

My lessons learned during this time were so many it's hard to count. I learned rather than focus on the negative symptoms I experienced, to revel in the positive. And even when I was throwing up at work, the positive were many. I had good hormone levels (!) and a happy baby growing inside of me. I stopped lamenting every pain and rather, embraced the physical changes going on in my body and found myself respecting my body for the amazing things it was doing. This mind shift made a big difference in my existential outlook; and I was able to take in more positive things even in the midst of anxiety and negative events. But the biggest lesson/meaning I learned during this time was the strength of my relationship with Mike. There is absolutely no one else I would want to go through this journey with; and the depth of love I felt for him and Wilson, I soon learned, had no boundaries.