What Pregnancy Has Taught Me...

I remember once telling students that there is no logical reason to every have children; and it's true. It's not an easy job, sometimes it's thankless and exhausting and to procreate really only has emotional and evolutionary purposes. But, what I didn't realize, in my pre-pregnant self, was the spirituality, meaning and life change that having a child can bring to you. I have been so forever changed by this process; and I haven't even had him yet! 

So, I was reflecting earlier today on what I have learned thus far from my pregnancy, since it has been so life-changing. Here is a summary of things my pregnancy has taught me thus far:

• Let go of control. You can't control the things you can't control! You need to figure out which are things you can control and focus on those.
• Let go of fear. Although fear is a useful adaptive survival strategy when we are faced with fight or flight situations, it has no business in our every day lives; it crushes our productivity and can paralyze us with an emotion we can do nothing about. What happens will happen and I've learned that you need to deal with it with a calm head and an understanding of what control you do have, which is typically only in your reaction. 
• Listen to your body. Your body has incredible built in systems for alerting you when you are hungry, tired, in pain and ill. The problem is that most of us have turned off listening to our body in order to work harder, better and faster (I know there's a Daft Punk reference in there somewhere). Turning it back on has really been so helpful to not only reconnecting with my body, but to living healthier and happier.
• Appreciate your body. With years of struggling with weight loss and weight gain, as well as just being a female in our culture, I had neglected to really appreciate my body for the miraculous things that it can do. Pregnancy has given me a new outlook on that - my body is literally creating and sustaining life. It created a whole new organ out of nowhere (placenta) to feed my baby and bring him oxygen. My organs shifted to provide room for this new little being. Everything worked in harmony to create a new person. That is amazing and I will always love my body for being able to do this.
• Move slower. I was always in such a big hurry. Now it takes me 10 minutes to roll over. If I try to get up too quickly, my round ligaments (who knew we even had those?!?) remind me quickly to sit back down and try again a little slower. Moving slower helps me stay in the moment more, to really think consciously about what I want to do and is relatively, a more relaxed state of being!
• Breathe it out. I learned to use breathing and relaxation to let things go. Not just pain, which has also been useful. But frustration, fear and other emotional distress. Wilson also seems to like when I do deep breathing - he always seems to interact when I focus on bringing in the positive and letting go of the negative.
• Do what you can when you can. During my pregnancy, I decided to take the time, when I had it, to organize everything in my house, nest and fully decorate Wilson's nursery, start a blog, start a new business (as an Independent Certified Instructor with Baby Signs),  finish my teaching duties until next January, finish my service duties until the end of August, publish 4 more papers, have 6 others in press and 4 more in review, and to educate myself on pregnancy and childbirth. I didn't do this out of wanting to be perfect or even wanting to be an over-achiever. I just realized how precious time was and wanted to take advantage of any down time and making the most out of the time I do have. I think this will come in handy when I have a newborn when I won't have any time!
• Do something active which you enjoy. I love swimming; I feel blissful in water and especially loved the weightless feeling swimming when I am pregnant. I did swimming and yoga during my pregnancy and both helped me keep my weight down and feel happy every time I did them.
• Give yourself a break. I learned to take time to just do nothing: sit down, take a bath, put my feet up, watch television or take a nap. Recharging my batteries has become something that has made me feel so much better.
• Ask for help.  I have learned to self-advocate and to rely on my partner for assistance; and to not feel bad about it, something that took time for me to learn.
• Stay positive. Probably the most important lesson I have learned is to take everything that life and the universe throws at you and stay positive about it. I have Braxton-Hicks contractions all day long now, coupled with crampy more-real contractions. I could look at those as a horrible way to end a pregnancy. But instead I look at them as a way to practice my breathing and visualizations, learn how my body is getting me ready for birth, appreciate it and help my partner understand what I may need of him during the real birth performance. Being positive has helped me approach everything in a new light and minimize body pains and problems during my pregnancy.

 So, in my previous lecture on the irrationality of having children, I was wrong. I now see the reasons to have children and mine isn't even out yet; I see now that to give life is to experience the world with different eyes and to learn life lessons that you may never have learned any other way. And for that, I am thankful.

My Blessingway

I just had my birth blessing or blessingway with several of my close friends in preparation for birth. It was a way to pay homage to my Native American background and beliefs and connect with women surrounding motherhood and being a woman. It was so spiritual, so meaningful and brought me even closer to being ready for little Wilson to arrive.

Here is what was sent to all the women in their invitations:

Pregnancy is a powerful time in a woman’s life that deserves great respect. A birth blessing is inspired by the ancient wisdom of women throughout the world who, from the beginning of time, have created ceremonies and rituals to express their love and support for expectant mothers. A blessingway is a traditional Native American gathering that focuses on preparing the mother emotionally and spiritually for childbirth and motherhood, rather than supporting her materially for the baby to come. A Blessingway marks a woman’s rite of passage into motherhood and is a ceremony of empowerment for the mother during the birthing process.

Please bring:

• yourself!
• a story of a female ancestor/family member that embodies female strength
• a special unique bead that will be added to a necklace for Misty to wear while in labor
• a blessing, wish, poem, song or quote for Misty during childbirth or motherhood that is written on the enclosed blank card
• a story about a lesson learned being a mother or daughter
• any kind of dish for dinner

This was the ceremony that I designed to be a balance between the traditional Navajo ceremony and a modern one that was more my style... and didn't involve traditional elements like people giving me a foot bath, which would freak me out, frankly. I chose to focus on the support aspect, the story-telling (which is one of my favorite things about Native American culture) and the bead ceremony.

Blessingway

Just as a tree grows best when anchored firmly in the earth, so can a pregnant mother feel strong and capable when supported by a sisterhood of nurturing friends." -April Lussier

Starts with introduction and explanation of what a blessingway is:

The Mother's Blessing  Ceremony, also known as The Blessingway  or Blessing Way Ceremony originates from the Navajo people.  It is a very positive ritual, affirming that a woman will have a natural and beautiful birth experience.  The ceremony marks a woman's rite of passage.  It is a ceremony of empowerment near the time of birthing.  Within a circle of friends in a quiet, gentle, spiritual ceremony, those attending will celebrate sisterhood, welcome a new baby to earth and honor mother, birth, life and rebirth.   

The second part of a blessingway is to ask each member to introduce themselves and how they know the mother-to-be.  Everyone also shares a lesson they have learned as a mother/daughter.

The third part is a smudge ceremony where the mother-to-be lights sage and everyone reflects on an ancestor, living or passed, that they identify as being a powerful maternal figure that embodies what it means to be a woman or a mother.

The fourth part is the bead blessing ceremony.

The creation of a birth beads necklace is a way to honor the process of the mother to be and hold sacred the birthing experience. The mother-to-be wears this necklace or bracelet while in labor to draw upon the strength of her sisters. Each person describes the bead and why they picked the bead for the mother-to-be. Then they read their blessing card, where they wrote a quote or words of encouragement for the mother, and thread that on the separate ribbon as well.

The fifth part is to eat, drink and be merry!!

The final part is to send everyone home with their gift bags.

I had a friend give me sunflowers in a can for everyone since she could not be there in person; they were her prayer that little Wilson will have a sunny disposition like me. I also gave everyone turquoise earrings, an important stone for Natives; it symbolizes the culture, spirituality, wisdom and protection. I made a medicine bag for everyone, which contained crystals with different purposes - mostly positive energy, friendship and strength. A little card of remembrance and thank you to each person for coming to the blessingway and being in my life. And then finally, a labor candle that reads: Welcome Little One. Strong arms will hold you, caring hands will tend you, Love awaits you at every step. These are lit when the mother-to-be goes into labor. So when I go into labor, I will text everyone that attended to let them know (yay for modern combined with traditional!). At that time, everyone lights her candle for strength for me and to welcome baby Wilson into the world.

The whole ceremony was really beautiful. I loved connecting with women that have meant so much to me, to hear their words of advice and to celebrate being a woman and becoming a mother. The words of encouragement, the strength and humility that women are capable of is so encouraging to experience before taking this final journey towards becoming a mother. At the beginning of my pregnancy I was so petrified of giving birth, but this blessingway symbolized my final step towards becoming a mother. Now close to the end of that journey and ready to start a new one (actually being a mother!!), I look forward to labor, childbirth and that moment of meeting Wilson with anticipation, excitement and joy. 

Our Letter to Baby Wilson

Dear Baby Wilson,

It's been a long time since your mommy and daddy first thought about having you until now. We have had so much time to think about what you would look like - whether you would have dark hair like mommy or good eyesight like daddy. We wondered what you would be like - will you like computers and gaming like us? Will you be funny and sweet? Will you be athletic like daddy or an academic like mommy?

In all of our preparation and planning and wondering, one thing has always been true. Our biggest wish for you is to be who you are. No matter what you look like or what you like to do or who you will become, we want you to be kind and empathic to others and to make this world a better place because you are in it. We will do our best to help you navigate this crazy, wonderful and sometimes scary world. We will teach you how to be strong and resilient and how to find happiness and peace no matter where you are. We will teach you how to stand up for what is right, to fight for your rights and the rights of others. We will do our best to provide for your every need, but will teach you how to be self-sufficient and independent as well.

We will show you through our actions that love, integrity and respect are the most important things in life. We will do our best to model what a good partnership looks like and will always try to be good parents. I know we will make mistakes and sometimes we will make the wrong choices. But we promise to always love you, to explain the world and our choices to you, apologize if we have made a mistake and do our best to make it right.

We are so excited about meeting you and helping you become the person you are meant to be. We are excited about how you will change our lives and make us better people as we help to guide you on your path. For now, be healthy and safe inside mommy's belly until you are ready to join us and meet your friends and family, your canine and feline siblings and your new house and bedroom. For now, we will keep preparing, planning and hoping for a good birth-day for you.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

p.s. if you like to sleep a lot, that is also fully acceptable.

Hypnobirthing

So several people have asked me about my experience with taking hypnobirthing classes and what I thought of them. I've heard really interesting things from different people, both good and bad, so I think that hypnobirthing, just like everything else with your pregnancy and birth, is part of a personal journey and not for everyone. But, I'll throw my two cents in and tell you my opinion and my experience.

First, let me be clear at the onset; the hypnobirthing classes changed Mike's and my life. I loved the method, it resonated with me at my core being and felt intuitive and meaningful from the onset. So even though I am going to be as descriptive as possible regarding why I think the method is amazing, please know that I am biased.

When I found our pediatrician, which I did very early on in my pregnancy (this was a theme for me - I knew I could plan for and control very few things, so those were the things I targeted to do when I was early in my pregnancy), I found a link to Hypnobirthing of CT on her resources page. I was curious, so I checked it out. I read how the technique taught you to be relaxed and in control of your emotions throughout your birth and that appealed to me, since I was looking for a new way to view the birth experience. Then I happened upon the videos. I will never forget watching the first video and watching the woman, who they swore was in labor, look like she was resting peacefully. She wasn't screaming, crying or making any vocalizations at all. She looked like she was sleeping during parts of it! The only vocalization, a soft moaning, that she made came when the baby's head and body was actually emerging. I stared at the screen in disbelief. Then I started crying. I didn't know (and still don't) if that was the kind of birth that I could have, but this woman (along with the other videos and numerous women I spoke to or heard about later) did. This kind of birth was within the realm of possibility, which I had not believed before that moment. I started researching the method and then informed my husband that I didn't care how much it cost (it's actually quite reasonable), we were doing these classes. Mike looked slightly frightened by my resolve and simply said, "K."

I contacted Cynthia Overgard, the owner of Hypnobirthing of CT, and immediately found her to be professional, empathic and so personable. I signed up for the classes and actually drove down to Westport to pick up the materials early so I could read the book and start practicing before the class. I read the book in a weekend. There were parts of the book that resonated highly with me and others that did not so much. But I knew for sure that this was going to be a great class. For years I had practiced meditation, guided visualizations, relaxation and yoga. Being a shaman, I could go into an altered state of relaxation pretty quickly so I felt like if anyone could get something out of this class, I could.

And I was not wrong. Our first class, we focused mostly on building a positive expectancy of birth. In fact, Cynthia asked us all what our vision of birth was. It was strange because I couldn't see my vision of birth; Being a skeptical researcher, I wasn't prepared to say relaxing because that might not be a reality for me. So when it was my turn, I said, "I want it to be a spiritual and meaningful experience." I had no idea what that looked like, but it was true. That is what I wanted. The first class focused a lot on positive psychology, understanding all those cultural influences that make us see birth in a negative manner and learning plenty of information on the power of the mind, as well as childbirth education. Both my husband and I found Cynthia to be amazing; she was able to not only give us the knowledge of the method, but she supplemented the syllabus with her personal experiences that made the 3 hour classes fly by and captivated us so intensely. After the class, Mike was actually excited to go back and looking forward to it as much as I was. Throughout the four sessions, we learned about special birth circumstances, our responsibilities in preparing for a natural birth (practicing relaxation, eating healthy, exercise and good posture, to name a few), as well as the research on our current medical practices in the U.S. and what our rights are in terms of refusal and consent. We watched some amazing video clips and documentaries that left such an imprint on both of us that we felt a deeper connection to our son already. We learned the breathing and relaxation methods and Cynthia led us through some amazing guided relaxations.

One class experience will always stand out to me as one of the turning points, not only in my pregnancy, but in my life. The relaxation started normally enough with getting relaxed, with connecting to a place in nature, then delving into your subconscious. Once there we were directed to sit in a chair and start looking through a book of our life. The pages captured both positive and negative images of events throughout our life histories. I immediately started to breathe more rapidly, became tense and tears began streaming down my face. My history of sexual assault, of illness, of miscarriage, of giving my power over to others and more recently, of being bullied and sexually harassed at work were the ones that popped out to me immediately. In my conscious, I had dealt with each of these things: I had years of therapy and my PTSD had been gone for years, I was healthier than I ever had been before, I found meaning in my miscarriage, I had found my voice again and I had turned in the people who attempted to abuse me at my workplace, supported by the 4 other women who experienced the same thing. I THOUGHT I was at peace with all of these things. But in my subconscious, they were still there. After I ripped those pages out and let them go in my subconscious, she had us stand on a stage in front of all the people who had ever taken our power away or who we had given my power away to and it suddenly hit me why I had the reaction to seeing those events. Externally, I had let these go. In my conscious life, I no longer felt the impact of these events. But internally and sub-consciously, these still made me doubt myself. I had my power ripped away during moments of my life and I had given it away because I thought I needed people's affection and affirmation. But when Cynthia instructed us to tell those people that we were taking the power back and that we would make the best decisions about our own bodies and lives, I could feel my fears about birth, about our crunchy granola decisions, people's unsolicited or solicited advice that went against our intuition and all of my doubts melt away. Wilson chose me as his mother and Mike for his father for a reason; these experiences were all for a reason. And I would never again give up my power over my own body or decisions about my baby because of guilt, shame or fear.

So beyond that completely life-changing experience, here is what I took away from this method:

• You cannot control your birth journey, but you can prevent some problems and certainly control how you react.
• Staying relaxed and calm means you will experience less pain, shorter labors and a better birth experience, both physiologically and emotionally.
• Who you have with you and your environment will impact your ability to stay calm. The moment that someone disrespects you or you feel in danger in any way, your labor will stop progressing as the body's adaptive process takes over. You are telling your body you are not safe, so it is slowing down or stopping your labor until you are safe again. Thinking about how most women give birth, in a non-supportive environment, with fear, with disrespect and humiliation and in the worst position to boot, I can easily see why we in the U.S. describe our birth experiences as more painful and difficult than women in other countries who do not have the same experiences.
• Birth does not necessarily have to be perceived as a ridiculously painful experience that you just have to suffer through; it can be a meaningful and transformational experience.
• You can approach your pregnancy and birth with an educated competence, confidence and calmness and believe in your body's abilities.
• If something unplanned does happen, as it likely will in all areas of life, you can handle it with calmness and still feeling empowered.
• For years women have been giving their power away or it has been taken from them in many ways, when in reality, we are in charge of our own lives and never have to take abuse or disrespect from anyone.
• I now had a vision of what a spiritual birth looked like. One of the documentary clips, The Birth We Know, showed these experiences from women giving birth in Russia. It resonated with me so much; the way the women moved, closed their eyes and smiled, gave themselves completely over to their labor and their body was beautiful. That was the vision I had all along.
• We will be good parents. On the last day of class, as Mike and I were driving home, I asked Mike what he learned from the classes. He turned to me and said, "She made me excited about having a baby." People who know Mike know how significant this was; he had worried for years about whether or not he would be a good father and if having a child was something he should even do. At the onset of Mike's and my discussions of birth with our doula, she asked us what we were most anxious about. I said "the birth" and Mike said "what happens after the birth." In this class, the knowledge provided and Cynthia, had transformed both of our fears into excitement. Something we will never forget or for which we will cease to be thankful.

 Some people go into this class thinking they are learning how to have birth without pain and I don't think that is what it really is about. Some women experience extreme pain; some do not. We all pray we are those that do not, but the reality is that birth is a difficult and profound experience, emotionally, physically and spiritually. At minimum, you are feeling these huge changes going on in your body, conquering the negative thoughts and fears you have in your mind, hoping to accentuate the positive thoughts and alleviate any stress and responding to your environment in ways you maybe never have before. Some describe the experience as just intense, not painful, but either way, birth is a personal experience and journey. I completely believe that no one can tell you what your birth will be like, so for me, I wanted to be prepared for anything. I wanted to be able to be calm and not fight my body. I wanted this to be a healing experience for me, Mike and the best experience possible for little Wilson. As I get closer to birth, I know there are lots of possibilities and lots of things that can go right or wrong with our birth experience. But I also know that I did my best. I ate well and exercised; I made Wilson my priority by educating myself, taking it easy from work, changing my life in significant ways and attending to my marriage and my relationship with Mike. I meditate every day, I practice yoga, I have prepared and nested, I read, I relax and I enjoy every moment of my life. I have done everything I can; the rest is in the universe's hands. But whatever my birth journey has in store for me, I know Mike and I will handle it and be stronger for it.

A Few Favorite Poems

There are two poems that really stood out to me in this journey. They are both existential in nature and helped me place my struggle to get pregnant in perspective.

Linda from Mother's Embrace Yoga shared this poem with me that she shared with her fertility yoga class and with prenatal yoga class on Mother's Day - it makes me cry every time!

Baby's Choice

by a Mother

Did you ever think, dear Mother,
As the seeds of me you sowed,

As you breathed new life inside of me
And slowly watched me grow,
In all your dreams about me
When you planned me out so well,
When you couldn't wait to have me there
Inside your heart to dwell,

Did you ever think that maybe,
I was planning for you, too,
And choosing for my very own
A mother just like you?
A mother who smelled sweet and who
had hands so creamy white,
A tender, loving creature
Who would soothe me in the night?

Did you ever think in all those days
While you were coming due,
That as you planned a life for me
I sought a life with you?
And now as I lay in your arms,
I wonder if you knew
While you were busy making me,
I was choosing you!

This one really helps you find meaning in a struggle to become pregnant. Also from Linda from Mother's Embrace Yoga. Can you tell I love her??

"Thoughts on Becoming A Mother"

by Anonymous

There are women that become mothers without effort,

without thought, without patience or loss

and though they are good mothers and love their children,

I know that I will be the best possible mother for my child. 

I will be better not because of genetics or money or that I have read more books

but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.

I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation

are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my little child.

I will take time to watch their sleep, explore and discover

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of her cry knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed her

and not waking to a cry of broken dream, for my DREAM will be crying for me.

I consider myself lucky in this sense:

that God has given me insight, this special vision

with which I will look upon her unlike any one else.

I will NOT be careless of my LOVE

I have been trialed by fire and hell that others may have faced

yet given time, and 9 months, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

When I see other hurt around me

I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort

I see it, mourn it and join in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better

I can make it less lonely.

I have learned that immense power of another hand holding tight to mine.

Of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth

and when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate my life.

....YES! I will be a WONDERFUL Mother...

Choosing a Provider: My Story

I started out this journey with my OB/GYN that I have had for several years. She was amazing as a gynecologist and I really liked everyone in the practice. I assumed I would feel the same about them as OBs. I was wrong, but I didn't know that at first. I had a conversation with my OB at the first appointment. I asked about their C-Section rate and philosophy as a proxy to get through to whether or not they had a focus on natural birth. She told me that they weren't sure of their C-Section rate (a big red flag, which I didn't know at the time), but they only did C-Sections when they were medically indicated. They recognized that this is major surgery and took it seriously. I felt good about this response and conveyed my wish for a natural birth, which was met with warmth and support from my OB.

After months of research, I wrote our first draft of my birth preferences with my doula's support. I took a list of questions to the OB, when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, to ensure that I would be supported. I could tell my doula was attempting to prepare me for the possibility that the this OB may not perfectly support my wishes, but I was CONVINCED that given our previous relationship and how woman-focused this practice was as GYNs that there would be no problem. I couldn't have been more wrong.

My first question to her was regarding their policies on inductions (which you may remember from my last post put you at risk for all sorts of things, including a c-section). Her response was that "We always induce at 41 weeks and our threshold for you would probably be earlier because you are overweight."

Being of Cherokee philosophy, I have two modes that coexist when I am communicating to someone who I am beginning to not like: the first is what I would love to say to them, but I only do so in my head and the second is my filtered, respectful response. As I have told my students about Native culture, your responses to others' treatment of you says more about you and what you are capable of, rather than what the original person deserves from you. So here is what happened.

In my head: "Wow, thanks. So, I'm chunky which clearly means my body is defective. Nice."
Out loud: "Hmmm. Ok, so I understand that being overweight puts me in a higher risk category for certain things in pregnancy, but since I have had a completely uncomplicated pregnancy with no health problems, what would be the medical rationale for inducing me, at what I am assuming you are recommending is more like 40 weeks."

OB/GYN: "Well, you have to understand that the goal, nationally, is no longer to have a vaginal birth. It is to have a healthy mom and healthy baby and we will always err on the side of caution with inductions and c-sections."

In my head: "What did you just say to me?!?"
Out loud: ....stunned silence.

OB/GYN: "Well you need to remember that it's not like it was in our grandparents' generation where they would have 9 children and only 4 of them would survive. If you have 2 pregnancies, we want you to have 2 children."

In my head: "Oh, do you? That's comforting. Wow, are you trying to sell me a 50% mortality rate right now? You so don't know who you are talking to..."
Out loud: "Well, ok, that is one way to look at it."

Next question: "Since we are looking for a hypnobirthing - gentle, relaxed birth, how do you feel about me taking different positions during labor?"

OB/GYN: "We will support you no matter what. But I do want you to be prepared for anything. I know when you first get pregnant, you go online and read websites and it just gets overwhelming. But we, as OB/GYNs, know best and you just need to keep an open mind."

In my head: "I hate you so much right now. Not only are you being condascending 'go online and read websites', you are totally prepping me for medical intervention even though you can't have an open mind about natural birth. You clearly forgot that I have a doctorate, am intelligent, am a researcher/professor and have a choice to drop your ass like a hot potato."
Out loud: "Ok, well that answers my questions - thank you!"

I drove home crying. Not just because I was 7 1/2 months pregnant and needed to find a new provider. Not just because I was soooo wrong about how supportive my provider would be to me and my baby. And not just because she was really condescending and clearly didn't know me at all. It was mostly because I realized that I, along with women everywhere, were being treated like idiots and that our bodies were clearly flawed with the one thing we were born to do. This was more heart-wrenching to me than anything else.

So I contacted my doula IMMEDIATELY, wrote a shocked email to Yoga Linda to get emotional support and prepared for a new road on my journey. With my doula's support and referrals, here is what I learned in researching a new provider:

OB/GYN: Many have entered this field to be surgeons. At minimum, they see things through a clearly medical intervention lens. Your chances of a medical intervention are very high if you start out with an OB. There are many really great OBs, so don't take this as a "all OBs suck" statement. Just know that you are dealing with a medical professional who is going to see everything as a potential problem with a medical intervention to treat it. By the way, I also found out that it is absolutely normal for an OB/GYN to go through their entire medical training and NEVER see a natural birth. This blew my mind.

Med-wives: There are midwives that function very similarly to OBs, but have lower intervention rates. Med-wives are nicknamed this because their approach is also very similar to OBs.

True Mid-wives: These are individuals who are committed to giving the best care possible, while keeping medical intervention at a minimum. They listen to you, keep you informed of choices, are very well-trained in giving physical, emotional and medical support through the whole process. They typically stay with you throughout your labor at your setting (which can include birthing centers or hospitals) and only bring in OBs if it is indicated.

At-home Midwives: If you are at a low-risk, these midwives will give you prenatal care, get you set up at home for labor and delivery, help you deliver at home and prepare and help with a hospital transfer if necessary. Midwives carry a significant amount of medical knowledge and medical interventions, so it is not nearly as risky as the culture leads us to believe. In fact, this is how many other countries (with lower infant and mother mortality rates) have their babies AND statistics show that home births are actually safer than hospital births.

Given that this was my first birth, I chose to go with a midwife practice that had a great reputation, Women's Health Associates, had a 6% unplanned c-section rate (RIDICULOUS - since the national average is well over 30% now and I found out later my old OB/GYN's rate was over 40%) and had the same philosophy that I had. They also used the hospital so that if anything did go wrong, the OBs at Yale can step in and help.

Here is how my birth preferences review went with the midwives:

I handed her my birth preferences.

She read each one carefully and out loud.
Midwife: "Great! About 90% of this we do actually naturally! We will never induce you prior to 42 weeks unless you had a major medical condition and we have exhausted all other natural attempts, we want you to labor at home with our support over the phone, we do all paperwork prior to the hospital as a policy, you can wear whatever you want and we'll keep the lights low and your music on, we will most likely get you the tub room because you are a great candidate for it, you can be in any position you want, we do not routinely do continual monitoring - you will go where you want and we will follow you, we never do early cord clamping, we are very committed to attachment and breastfeeding, and we will always consult with you prior to doing ANY kind of medical intervention and give you all the options."

Me: "In terms of the IV, am I allowed to drink fluids?"

Midwife: "Let's change that language. You are the person in charge - there is no "allowing" - You do not have to consent to anything that you don't want. Even if we had to give an injection of something, we are more likely going to do a Hep Lock with your permission so that you can still move around and be comfortable."

"The only other thing I see on here is that we routinely do a pitocin shot as the baby is coming out...[explained why and their medical rationale]. But you can decline this if you would like - you are not alone - many mothers do choose to waive it and that is fine, so do some research on it and let us know and we will respect those wishes."

In my head: I love you.
Out loud: I love you.

My lesson learned: Choose a provider you trust, who has the same philosophy as you (no matter what it is) and who makes you feel safe. The day after meeting my midwives for the first time, I slept 12 hours. I finally felt comfortable and safe and knew if there was a chance that I could have a natural birth experience, these ladies would do whatever they could to make it happen safely and comfortably.

Q&A on Pets and Babies!

Question:

Hey Dr. G! Hope your feeling good. Thank you for all the awesome info on Facebook! I was just wondering how you were planning on introducing your dogs to Wilson? I've done a lot of internet research on this because my dog (who was a rescue) has some mild aggression issues with other dogs and he's never really been around a baby. I'm really worried and thought I'd see what you had planned.

-Nicole

Answer:

Yes I definitely have input! I found that this is really tough because before your baby, your pets are your babies and just like older siblings, there is the potential that they can become resentful and target the baby for aggression.

There is a class at Yale New Haven which deals with pets and babies in particular, but here is what I've learned on my own so far:

1) find a CD or mp3 files that have baby sounds on them and play them in the house to get your pets aquainted and relaxed with the sound of babies,

2) start to give the dog boundaries now - for example, if they are not going to be allowed to sleep with you when the baby gets there, start doing it now, rather than later once the baby is already here - it can build resentment on the part of the dog and the baby will be the prime target.

3) bring a doll into the house at first and hold it like a baby - see how the dog reacts. Treat the doll just like you would a baby - you can allow the dog to smell the baby, but don't put the doll on the floor unsupervised to see what the dog will do. He might think you are giving him a new toy and the fact that it looks like a baby would not set a good precedent.

4) if that goes well, bring a friend's baby over - don't trust the dog too much until you really see there is no aggression on the part of the dog. Still remember to stay calm because the dog can pick up on your energy. If you feel nervous then the dog will pick up on that and try to identify why - and you don't want him to identify the baby as that reason!

5) Once you have the baby, have a friend or whoever is watching the dog bring home a blanket that the baby had on - one that smells like the baby. This will help them get aquainted with the smell and recognize it again when you get home.

Don't worry too much - the vast majority of dogs do not have issues with babies and children and actually love them. We have 3 dogs and 2 cats and they love babies so much - the hardest thing we have to deal with is stopping them from licking our friend's baby.

And finally - don't forget about your dog when the new baby comes - make sure, just like an older sibling, you give them a role and continue to show them love and affection. They don't understand what is changing and need your support to understand they are still loved.

Hope this helps!

-M

Hospital Tour and Birthing "Plan"

Mike and I took the hospital tour of Yale New Haven Hospital tonight. Definitely has some nice rooms and services; very nice to see. They are also working towards a Baby-Friendly credential - something useful to know about in terms of attachment and breastfeeding. The tour reminded me, however, of how dis-empowered women are in the birthing process. As we were going along, several women asked questions and because I am now sensitive to it (learned from my awesome doula and midwife practice), I recognized the tentativeness in the language most women used (as I did before as well). Is it allowed to have the baby with you right after birth and not have all the testing right away? Does the hospital make you use this prop only for labor? Will the hospital let us waive the Vitamin K shot? As patients, we really do not understand the power we have; or the fear and guilt that providers sometimes push onto us regarding "putting your baby at risk" causes us to hand our power over to someone else who "must know better". But here's the irony; there is risk associated with EVERYTHING. It's which risk you wish to take with your body and your baby that is up to you. I firmly believe that no one should ever listen to fear-based arguments or rhetoric when making such an important decision. Get the facts, educate yourself, empower yourself and decide for yourself is the path that Mike and I chose. 

I am going to include my Birth Plan here - I wasn't sure if I would or not...Mostly because it completely exposes what a crazy, research-oriented, crunchy granola I am, but this blog is about sincerely sharing my journey to help others, so I am going to do it. I will include the content, then explain the rationale and research behind our decisions.

Misty and Mike Ginicola Birth Preferences

Introduction Content

We have chosen to strive towards a quiet, relaxed, natural birth. The following is our "ideal" birthing. We ask that you consider each of our choices and accommodate them whenever possible. We fully understand that changes may need to be made depending on special circumstances. We completely trust our providers at Women’s Health Associates to consult with us on each change and help us choose a new course of action. 

Rationale

I chose not to call our Birth Plan a "Plan". First, there is no way that you can plan all birth details like you are completely in control. Not only can you not control the details of your birth, no one else can either. The only thing you can control is communicating what you want AND controlling how you respond to whatever happens. My main philosophy towards birth is to keep it as natural as possible. I am incredibly thankful for medical interventions; but I do not want them unless I need them! All medical interventions carry a risk, so why would I want to use something that could potentially be harmful if I don't need it? I also wanted to communicate that I fully trust my provider (don't say this unless you really do and if you don't, you really need to change providers, but that is for another post!) to consult with me and my husband if there is a special circumstance that arises, to tell me what is going on, to give me all of the options and to wait for my decision and consent unless we are in a life or death situation, which, despite the movie and television dramatizations of birth, is very uncommon.

 

Pre-Admission Content

• Induction: We do not wish to use any artificial induction of labor unless it is medically indicated/ after 42 weeks.
• Labor at Home: We would like to complete all hospital forms prior to labor and to stay at home as long as possible.

Rationale

Induction: A perfectly healthy full-term baby does not normally come on their "due-date". They come anywhere from 37 to 42 weeks of gestation. But, most women are glued to that date; and since everyone asks you and the third trimester is so taxing on your body, I think we are eager to get labor going. So, a woman might ask to be induced or a well-meaning doctor may suggest induction to prevent a medical issue. But, inductions are no joke; they carry significant risks (click on the links for resources and references). At minimum, you do not get the body's natural oxytocin which helps suppress the feelings of pain, gives you that bonding and blissful feeling associated with orgasms and helps you relax so that your labor progresses quickly. So in essence, inductions are more painful and should not be used without significant medical cause. The World Health Organization has reviewed the research on inductions which provide this evidence and I have included a link to the National Health Service page on the topic so you can see how other countries handle induction. Bottom line: use all natural methods of inducing before 42 weeks and only do it if there is a CLEAR medical indication. These do not include, by the way, the ultrasound shows your baby is too big OR the ultrasound shows your fluids are low. An ultrasound is actually pretty unreliable for size estimations and amniotic fluid calculations. Other countries do NOT induce for these reasons and I believe, neither should we.

Labor at Home: If you go into the hospital too early, they will either turn you away or you might be at risk for being termed "failure to progress". This means the hospital or provider think you are taking too long to have your baby and will suggest a c-section. Some women take longer for labor; that is just a fact. Having a long labor is NOT a medical indication for a c-section. It is for the convenience of your hospital and provider, so they don't have to wait around. And just like inductions have risks, so do c-sections - there are extensive medical risks and risks to bonding and breastfeeding that are typically not mentioned. It is harder for a mom to bond because she experiences none of the oxytocin and is in shock from the surgery. Most hospitals will let you do all paperwork before getting to the hospital - make sure you ask. So literally you can labor at home until you are pretty far along, transition to the hospital with minimal stress and move through the final stages of labor.

 

Upon Admission: Content

• Nurse: We would like to have a nurse that is supportive of natural labor and understands our wishes for a more non-interventionist approach.
• Birth Support: Partner: Mike Ginicola; Doula: Debra Brackett.
• Room Environment: Misty would like a private room to bring music, dim the lights, wear her own clothes (I have a labor and birthing gown) and allow for pictures and video to be taken.

Rationale 

Nurse: If you want a natural birth, it helps to have support staff that remind you of this and do not keep asking you if you want pain medication. From what I have heard, almost every mother gets to a point in natural delivery where she basically thinks "Oh hell no, I can't do this!" I'm not sure if I will have that experience, but you are at your most vulnerable then so if someone suggests pain medication, you might want to cave. So, asking for a nurse who will "get" us is important for us. Our preference for no pain medication is not because I'm anti-medication or because I am trying to be She-Woman or SuperGirl. It's because it also contains extensive medical risks, including passing to the baby and prohibiting bonding and breastfeeding. I took lots of classes on pain management and how to transform into a relaxed, hypnotic state rather than initially depending on medication. I'll let you know how that one goes as well :)

Room Environment: Before my research, I didn't even know these were options. So happy that they are. I also bought a birthing gown which is uber-comfy and cute! These are something you can wear in hospitals and at home after and are easy to breastfeed and remove in the case that medical intervention is needed. And your ass doesn't have to hang out of the back embarrassing you further. Although, I am thinking more and more that I may be one of those moms who just rips her clothes off (especially if I am in the water for birth) and who could care less. I totally didn't picture myself there at the onset of this pregnancy, but I would not be surprised at this point.

 

During Labor: Content

• Monitoring: We prefer intermittent monitoring.
• Hydration: We ask that Misty hydrate herself with water and juice as desired. No IV/Hep Lock unless there is a special circumstance.
• Movement: We ask that Misty be allowed to move about freely.
• Labor Props: Misty would very much like the use of a birthing ball and the room with the birthing tub.
• Management of Labor: We would like to be allowed to progress free of time limits and ask that Misty not be offered pain medication.  She will ask for it if she needs it.

 

Rationale

Monitoring: It has become standard for monitoring to be continuous even in cases where it is absolutely not needed. These monitors limit your movement and keep you literally tied to the bed which can prolong your labor and make you more uncomfortable. If it's needed and indicated, of course you should use it (if they identify fetal distress). If it's not, don't. Your provider or nurse can follow you around and use a wireless one that just listens to baby's heart beat to ensure you and baby are still doing fine. 

Hydration: Some hospitals automatically put you on an IV even when you don't have Strep B (for which they give you antibiotics for at the onset of your labor) and require that you not take any fluids or snacks. If you think it's uncomfortable to have a big monitoring belt around your belly, think about having a needle in you for all of your labor. If it's not required, you can not consent to an IV and keep yourself hydrated. I chose not to eat snacks because I don't want to throw it up (something that does happen to some women), but I think it's just silly not to let a pregnant woman drink water and put her on an IV. You also can get a Hep Lock which allows you to move around if it's necessary. Key words: IF it's necessary.

Labor Props: I am likely going to try/use a birthing ball, the birthing squat bar and the birthing tub. Note on birthing tubs: for hospitals that have very few birthing tubs (like Yale), they put extensive requirements on the tub so that the person who ends up in the tub room can really use it to the most benefit. This means typically that you are on no medication, have no medical issues and are not likely to ask for an epidural as you won't be able to get out of bed after you get an epidural. 

 

During and Following Birthing: Content

• Pushing: Misty will be using positions she finds effective and using breathing and hypnosis techniques.
• Crowning: We do not want an episiotomy. If a tear were imminent, Misty would prefer to tear rather than have an episiotomy.
• Birth of our Baby: We ask that the cord be allowed to stop pulsating before clamping or cutting, and Mike, with our midwife’s help will cut it at that time. We would like to hold Wilson right away, allowing him to be treated gently and bond with his parents for a significant amount of time. We would like to allow the vernix to absorb into Wilson’s skin rather than wash it off.
• C-Section: If the event that this becomes necessary, Misty would like Mike with her at all times and for the screen to be lowered a bit so Misty can see Wilson delivered. We would also like Wilson to be given to Mike immediately. We would like to allow the vernix to absorb into Wilson’s skin rather than wash it off.
• Birth of Placenta: We decline the use of Pitocin for the active management of the third stage of labor. We fully understand the rationale, but would prefer to have the birth progress naturally, unless Misty shows signs of preeclampsia before the birth or is hemorrhaging after labor. We ask that Misty’s placenta be allowed to deliver without the use of traction.
• Postpartum: Wilson will be rooming with us; Mike or Misty will need to be with him at all times. We ask that all procedures be done in our room, preferably while he is still in skin-to-skin contact with Misty or Mike. We will decline the use of eye drops or a vitamin K shot.
• Vaccinations: Wilson will not be receiving any vaccinations in the hospital.
• Breastfeeding: We will be exclusively breastfeeding our baby and request that no bottles of any kind, pacifiers or artificial nipples be given to Wilson.
• Circumcision: Our baby, Wilson, is a boy and we will decline the surgical removal of his foreskin.
• Discharge: We would like to be discharged from the hospital with Wilson as soon as possible. We have arranged for postpartum breastfeeding support if needed. 

 

Rationale

Pushing: Research has shown that the absolute worst position you can give birth in is flat on your back with your legs up - sound familiar? This position, which is used normally in the U.S., is easiest for only one person: your doctor. Optimal birth positions as indicated by research, none of which are on your back, can make your labor easier, cut down on pressure and pain and can make it easier for your baby to emerge through the birth path. 

Crowning: The idea of a tearing or an episiotomy gave me such anxiety when I first started my pregnancy (actually earlier, if I'm being honest). Many practitioners will actually no longer do episiotomies because of the extensive research that shows medical outcomes are worse for a woman if you do an episiotomy versus allow for tearing (which may very well not happen anyway). You can prevent tears by having a good birthing position, doing kegel exercises/ strengthening your pelvic floor. Some recommend perineal massage as well. I have decided to trust my body that it can handle this birth in every way - no matter what happens and have only chosen to strengthen pelvic floor and try different birthing positions. Again, catch me after delivery for the verdict!

Delayed Cord Clamping: Allowing the placenta to do it's final job, pumping incredibly rich blood (1/3 of the babies' blood supply) into the baby following birth has been found to be linked to the best outcomes for infants and is now performed regularly in other countries. 

Vernix and Not Bathing in the Hospital: Babies are born with the world's cleanest substance on them: vernix. It's a white oily film and although you'll want to towel off blood and big chunks of vernix, research shows that this amazing substance is literally an anti-bacterial film that gets absorbed into the babies skin within a few hours. It keeps them protected from viruses and bacteria naturally. So what do we do normally in the U.S.? Wash it off with soap to make them look better. We are actually reducing the natural process of protection. Deal with the little white stuff for a few hours and your baby's immune system will thank you for it. 

Birth Bonding: It is so important that, barring a life or death experience, immediately after birth the baby is given skin-to-skin contact with the mother and the birth hormones are allowed to be expressed and the first stage of attachment can commence. This experience is blissful and relaxing for both mom and baby and is called birth bonding and it can be achieved fairly easily although you'll need to put it in your birth plan for the hospital to know it won't be business as usual. If mom cannot do skin-to skin because of a c-section or something else, then it's immediately time for the birth partner to step in and take his or her shirt off to make sure the baby has the experience and then gets to mom as soon as they can. You can find this on the links, but just so you know from here, the infant cries less (by the way, it is a myth that the baby needs to cry - they just need to breathe - it's sort of silly that we WANT our infants to cry), breastfeeds easier and immediately bonds with mom by opening their eyes, interacting and may even do the "breast-crawl" where they start seeking out the breast immediately after being born. 

Pitocin Shot and Birth of the Placenta: We found out that it is now common practice to give a shot of pitocin, which has side effects, to prevent hemorrhage, even when there is no medical indication that there will be a hemorrhage. Although fear-mongering information indicates that EVERY woman is at risk for hemorrhaging, the statistics are more likely to be about 5% of all women will have postpartum hemorrhage. There are a number of interventions that can be done at that point which will resolve the situation for the incredibly vast majority.  And when I say incredibly vast, I mean that the death rate from postpartum hemorrhage is about 8.5 per million women.  Compare that to the odds of being struck by lightening in your lifetime, which is 1 in 10,000. Interesting what we worry about! I chose to take the middle road here, if I have pre-eclampsia or my midwives feel that I am going to hemorrhage shortly after delivery, do it. If not, keep that needle away from my thigh. Make sure you check with your provider because many do this shot without telling your or getting your consent (they usually just put it in your IV without telling you).

Eye Drops: These are antibiotic ointments or drops rubbed on the baby's eyes to prevent against STDs which can be contracted from the mother. In my opinion if you have been tested for STDs, this is a stupid thing to do for a new baby who is confused and scared. You can delay or waive this procedure completely. 

Vitamin K Shots: This was historically and routinely done to encourage clotting in infants, especially when they were at high risk for a bleed, such as in circumcision or forceps delivery. This is not really indicated as such a high need anymore (nor did the research ever really support its use). There is now some research that has correlated the Vitamin K shot with jaundice and childhood cancers, so for us it was a 'add it to the list of crap we don't want - thanks!'

Vaccinations: The standard vaccination in the hospital is Hepatitis B. Babies are not at high risk for this infection. It is being instituted as a public health effort to lower the levels of adult Hepatitis B. My personal feelings are that it has not been tested enough on young babies to know if the vaccine has long-term risks. And unless you have the infection,  your baby is getting a transfusion or is particularly naughty (it's sexually transmitted), they are not getting it anytime soon. To me, it just makes more sense to wait until they are older if you want them to have this vaccine.

Breastfeeding: This was a no-brainer for me as research shows an incredible positive impact for both baby and mother. What was harder for me to embrace about breastfeeding was the cultural bias we have against it; women grow up in this culture knowing that their breasts are sexualized and are part of what causes us to feel attractive or not. Thinking of using something that we have always seen as sexual in something that we associate with a cow and fearing irreversible changes to our breasts that may impact our attractiveness (which we are told in our culture is our primary characteristic) can make us seriously question if this is "natural" at all. Also, all of the medical interventions routinely used can delay milk production or impact the baby's ability to naturally latch, making women feel like they are naturally not good at breastfeeding, when in reality it's the unnatural interventions that are to blame. In a culture where breastfeeding is the norm, you very rarely hear of problems; it's expected, natural and modeled to young girls, so they grow up with the education surrounding how to do it. The reason that we wrote this into our birth preferences is because believe it or not, some hospitals will give pacifiers or baby formula just naturally without even asking you, which will confuse the baby's latch and make it more difficult to breastfeed.  

Circumcision: This is one that Mike and I didn't agree on right away, but after Mike read the research, he came over to my non-circumcised decision. Circumcision is a cultural decision; it is not medically indicated and the American Association of Pediatrics does not advocate for a routine circumcision any longer.  Additionally, the rates of circumcision have dropped dramatically so much so that a child in this generation in the U.S. will grow up being in the majority if they are uncircumcised. Circumcision does provide some protection against STDs as the foreskin will extend contact to sexually-transmitted secretions, but I'd rather just teach my child to wear a condom. Because foreskin or not, they are still at risk. If you are going to have your son circumcised, I highly recommend watching what this will look like; you should know exactly what it is because I believe in our culture we take it for granted as a being so "normal" we forget that it is surgery on a newborn. WARNING: This link is a video of circumcision. I linked to a normal-circumcision (not by an anti-circumcision group) video because it is not meant to scare you into a decision. It's meant to make you educated on what the surgery really is. To us, there was no way that we wanted to do this to our son; Mike couldn't even watch the video it grossed him out so much. And as with any medical intervention, research does highlight some significant, albeit uncommon, risks. 

Summary

So my lessons learned from the experience of researching and writing the birth preferences? First, I learned that parenting starts before the baby is born. There are so many things to consider and research, as it seeps into your consciousness that these decisions will impact your baby, possibly for life. Second, no one, let me repeat, no one, will care about your child as much as you do. So no matter what advice you hear from anyone (including me!) or an OB/doctor recommending a procedure that you aren't sure about, QUESTION IT. I learned it's my body and my baby, meaning I have and take the responsibility for making well-educated, non-fear-based decisions. Finally, I learned those four words that give you all the power in a medical environment: "I do not consent." I've been practicing, just in case someone decides to ignore my birth preferences. At first, I was so reticient about thinking of saying that to a medical professional. After being so supported by my doula and providers, it kind of feels nice saying it like a mantra. 

When a Researcher Gets Pregnant...

So when I found out I was pregnant, I immediately invested in a TON of books and collected research on pregnancy and child-rearing topics. Even though I graduated with a doctoral degree in Developmental Psychology from Yale, I specialized in preschool and beyond. I remember learning about babies, thinking "how boring...babies." Oh how 10 years will change you!

Since I studied with Ed Zigler and Matia Finn-Stevenson, I knew how important the years in utero and zero to three are for all types of development: cognitive, social-emotional and physical. These years can literally change the entire course of your life; interestingly, you typically do not even remember these years, but they have such a huge influence on your life. Once I amassed a large collection of borrowed and purchased books and articles, my husband looked at me one night like I was truly insane. He said, "I think you are preparing for this like it's one of your research presentations!" I responded, "Well, it's one heck of a presentation!!"

I didn't love all the books I read; for example, I found "What to Expect When Expecting" pretty horrific. Others were good, but didn't resonate with me completely. I did, however, particularly like the books that had references to well-done research, were corroborated by research articles that I independently found and also were consistent with my education and intuition. So below I will share the ones I loved with you in the hopes that you might find something that helps you as well.


Book on Pregnancy

I read a few books, but my favorite was The Completed Illustrated Pregnancy Companion. It is written by a pediatrician and a doula, so it is a nice balance between natural and medical. Other great things about this book are the week-by-week discussions and weekly affirmations. Early on when I would be anxious, these affirmations helped me focus on the present and stay positive. I also took my time with this book, only reading 1 week ahead, also to stay in the moment.




 Book on Birth

 I read a few books on birth and really enjoyed them. However, this one, Hypnobirthing, stood out, as I not only took the class, it resonated with the image of birth I wanted. I didn't take everything from this book, but I felt it was a great introduction to understanding the history of birth and cultural influences, as well as a way to see birth differently. I'll talk about my experiences in the class in another post and let you know how the method works out after I give birth!





This book, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, is the quintessential book on natural childbirth by the woman who almost single-handedly brought back modern American midwifery. A great guide to understanding the process of birth and looking at it differently than our pop culture represents birth to women. She shows why she is so well respected in both midwifery and medical fields. Her attention to research, history and a holistic model of midwifery care is amazing. She shows you that the scary part of birth is really the unnecessary medical interventions; as she convinced me when I read it, "Your body is not a lemon." It was meant to give birth and she shows you why. A must read for anyone pregnant.


Books on Newborn Care

 The two books I read that I loved for newborn care was The Baby Book by William and Martha Sears and Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality by Laura Jana and Jennifer Shu. The Sears book is great - William Sears is a Pediatrician and Martha Sears, his wife is a Nurse. Together, they have 8 children. The book is a nice combination of medical information, research and qualitative stories about their children. He uses the research that shows a more attachment-driven style of parenting is what is linked to the best developmental outcomes. I love his style of writing and they do a good job of helping alleviate fears of parents, rather than cause more anxiety.

The heading home with your newborn book is really about basic physical care. Mostly review for those who have taken care of infants, but a worthwhile read to make you feel more confident about caring for your baby!









Parenting Books

I read the Vaccine Book by Robert Sears (William's son, also a Pediatrician) after I first went to my chiropractor (who is awesome by the way!!). I assumed that vaccinations were basic, consisting of only a few safe vaccines that were supported by research. My chiropractor who had chosen not to get vaccinations for his children and let me know that he encourages all to-be parents to become educated about the research and make any decision that makes sense for them. This sounded reasonable, given that not only am I a researcher, but I say the same thing to my students about research. I'll talk about this in another post, but what I found in my research on the topic was 1) this is a very complex issue (the number of shots that children get today number 49 before age 6, whereas it was only around 5 when I was young), 2) the research from both sides of the vaccination issue is incredibly flawed and 3) it is hard to find someone who just gives you the facts without bias. This book is a nice middle ground; he is skeptical of the research on both sides and attempts to give a balanced approach given his background in education, his understanding of public health issues and concerns as a parent as well.

If you read one book at all preparing for parenthood, read this one: Baby Hearts. This is a book that is written by two renown developmental psychologists on social and emotional skills for zero to three. AMAZING. This research is not intuitive for parents in our culture; we think we are doing babies a favor having them "cry it out" and creating independence in young infants. But the research is clear; young infants need attachment and to develop trust for healthy development. The other thing that is great about this books is that the authors explain how your parenting styles need to change with each child's different temperament. Not every baby comes into this world the same way. A lot of future behavioral and emotional problems in children can be prevented by focusing on social and emotional development from zero to three and paying attention to temperament. This is the only book I asked Mike to read and he enjoyed it as well. I can't say enough: READ THIS BOOK.

Written by the same authors is Baby Minds. This is a great one for understanding cognitive development. The final one in this series is Baby Signs, which presents the NIH-studied system of using simple baby signs to help infants and toddlers communicate before they can do so verbally. The well-done research on this program show that using baby signs encourages earlier communication (including verbal abilities), lower frustration for both parents and children, better relationships with parents and higher IQ scores at follow-up (8 years of age). The program and research was so convincing that I am actually training to become an Instructor. Great stuff!

This book, Itsy Bitsy Yoga, includes simple poses to help babies (newborns up to toddlers) sleep better, stop crying, digest better and develop physically. Great stuff and a way to bond with baby if you love yoga!

The final book I read, Baby Buddhas, gave some great ideas on meditating with young children. Fun way to connect with your children while teaching them compassion, spirituality and kindness.








I learned so much from these books and follow-up research; they helped me envision a meaningful pregnancy, birth and parenting experiences. I felt more educated, empowered and prepared than I thought I would be at first.