So...That Sucked.

So, I have been pregnant before. Gone through the third trimester before too. I've also had the stomach flu. Not this norovirus knock-you-on-your-ass-and-make-you-weep strain, but I've had the stomach flu. But what I've never had, before this last week, was having the stomach flu WHILE being in the third trimester of a pregnancy. Let me count the ways in which this experience might be the single worst experience of my adult life.

First, in your third trimester, you are ginormous. It hurts to move. Seriously, when you want to roll over in bed, you need to hold your belly, take a deep breath and heft yourself over to the other side. Your back hurts because your pelvis is spreading preparing for the "miracle" of birth - namely a baby head being pushed through that small opening in your pelvic bone. The sides of your stomach hurt as the round ligaments are stretching beyond what is comfortable. Now add onto all of this - the aches and pains of the flu. A fever, muscle soreness, stomach cramps and an overwhelming need to get to the bathroom ASAP multiple times a day does not correspond well with the third trimester belly-heft and slow-waddle.

Second, throwing up is never fun. Morning sickness was crappy with both of my pregnancies. But throwing up violently with a giant belly and an inside baby kicking the crap out of my stomach was kind of horrible. And then guess what? When you throw up in the third trimester, you get labor contractions as your reward! Yep! Labor contractions. And if you aren't careful, you go into full-blown labor, leading me to the next point.

Third, you don't want to eat or drink when you have the flu. That's not a possibility when you are pregnant. You HAVE to drink even if you are throwing it up right away OR you need to go to the hospital to get an IV because it can obviously harm the baby and/or cause early labor. Fun! So if you are not waddling to the bathroom, hefting yourself on the floor in front of the toilet, fighting labor contractions, fighting a fever and muscle pains along with your achin' pelvis, you are shoving water down yourself while praying that you don't throw up again (which you know you are going to...). 

Fourth, there are some medications that you can take that do make the flu somewhat bearable. But, not while your preggo. No pink stuff, no ibuprofen, no Imodium, no Tamiflu, no NOTHING. LAME.

Finally, your body does this other really cool thing when you are pregnant - it increases the hormone Relaxin so that (as the name indicates) all of your ligaments relax and loosen preparing it for that beautiful, horrific miracle of birth. Cool fact: throwing up violently is as jarring to your body as participating in intense sports! And, particularly with the addition of Relaxin, can cause similar injuries! So as I was throwing up for the 8th time one night, I sprained the tiny muscles in between my ribs, making it hard to breathe without stabbing pains, engage any of my stomach and chest muscles, pick up my toddler or just plain live. 

So thanks Norovirus. You have now made me less fearful of going into labor for the second time because labor (not even my first 50-hour labor) could not be as bad as these last 5 days with the stomach virus while being 35 weeks pregnant. 

And Universe, please don't take that last statement as a challenge.