Once More With Feeling?

So right about now I am feeling INSANE. Diagnosably so. For some reason we told each other that trying to have a second baby earlier rather than later would be smart. We had good reasons. It will be nice for Wilson to have a sibling. We can get it out of the way. It will be easier the second time around. It is likely to take us awhile to get pregnant. I mean, it took us 3 and a half years to get pregnant with Wilson. Even if you cut that in half, it's over a year. Wilson would already be two and almost in preschool by the time the baby was born.

So our first month, we thought we would play it a little safe. We skipped my like-clockwork ovulation cycle. But I had a funny feeling. Even though my ovulation cycle is ALWAYS on day 17, it decided to come a full 10 days earlier. Almost immediately, I felt something happening. Having been pregnant before, I recognized those familiar cramps, the stretching of my stomach ligaments and an increased thirst. I told Mike that I wasn't sure, but if I wasn't pregnant, I was suddenly getting fatter, so I needed to go back to the gym either way. We laughed. Ha ha - so funny.

Later that week, I noticed myself rubbing my stomach ligament, something I only do when I'm pregnant. The month before, I had dreamt of a little girl talking to me and telling me she was ready to come to us. In my dream, I hugged her and said yes. Oops. At this point, my intuition was screaming it, but with Wilson, I remembered so many times that I was wrong; it was just wishful thinking. I decided to stop and get an early pregnancy test when I was 1 day late. I had to get a Birthday card for Mike, so thought - eh, might as well. I read the instructions to see that I didn't need to wait until morning, so I again thought - eh, might as well. I followed the instructions and held the little stick in my hand after putting the cap back on. And there it was. Hmmm, I thought - is that the baseline? Nope, that is the pregnant line, coming up stronger and quicker than the baseline, which showed up about 20 seconds later. A second test confirmed it. Very pregnant.

That excitement turned to a bit of anxiety as I revealed the news to Mike in his birthday card - it read, "For your birthday, I promise not to ask you to do anything...Except to go bring up my maternity clothes from the basement. Once more with feeling, daddy?" He read it, then read it again, and then one more time. He looked at me with a smirk. "Seriously?" he said. There was a reaction somewhere between excitement and nausea. I felt it too. Because, now, baby number 2 is real. I still had to show him the stick. He said, "Well that line is so much lighter though." I had to show him the diagram that revealed that light line was the baseline. "Oh, crap," he said. The ridiculously thick and dark line was screaming "Oh, you are sooooo pregnant."

Then the other realizations came flooding in:

• We have to pay our insurance deductible before June...
• Wilson will be around 21 months when this baby is born...
• Mike won't be out of work yet and has to plan his Field Day while I am puffy and ready to pop...
• Wilson, with his unique needs, already feels like having triplets...
• I have to get the house ready...
• We need another nursery...
• Hope they both want to go to SCSU for college...
• How am I going to take care of Wilson and be pregnant? The first trimester with him all I could do was lay on the couch, mumble, vomit and put my head back down again...
• Will my blood pressure be an issue again? Will I need to be induced?
• Please, for the love of god, let this one be of easy temperament...And maybe look a little like me??
• Will Wilson still be so needy?
• Will he try to beat this baby up?
• Oh, the poor dogs...

So the first trimester is coming to an end in a few weeks and I did make it. I would sometimes lay on the floor while Wilson was playing; beg him to let me sleep in the mornings on the couch, praying that he would want to snuggle like he did when he was small (no-go) and go to bed at 7 p.m. like I was 80 years old. I almost threw up on my students in class...multiple times. I almost threw up on Wilson. I've thrown up in my car, every time of day and actually had to be on bedrest for a few days because I couldn't keep anything down. All the while, Wilson was teething 4 molars (that have popped through now), 2 front teeth (also through) and 2 canines (those suckers are still poking him) within 4 weeks. BUT, we made it.

I'm pretty worried about what life will be like when this little one makes their entrance. But, one thing I have learned is that with the support of my awesome husband, my family and friends, I can make it through anything. So, despite our reticence, anxiety, slight shock, fear, nausea and dwindling money supply, here we go: once more, with feeling.

...And seriously universe, throw me a bone here. BABY WITH AN EASY TEMPERAMENT. I beg you.