Happy Birthday, Wilson!

Dear Wilson,

So, you are a year old! And what a year it has been! Last year at this time, mommy’s widwife was threatening a c-section and mommy said, “I can do this!” She rolled on her side, focused and relaxed and opened up the last 3 cm in 20 minutes.  After pushing for 5 hours (even daddy was sweating!), you came rushing out, finally ready to meet the world. Even though mommy was so worried about your birth, she should have been thinking about what happened after, because that was just as hard! This year has been a challenge for all of us and we’ve taken many missteps, but as individuals and as a family, we’ve learned a lot.

When we first met you, we knew you were a different kind of baby. You had such serious eyes and were so alert for a newborn. You would spend hours just looking out the window by your bassinet, looking at us, as well as your doggy siblings. Lainey became your buddy and lay by you day and night.  You only slept 1 hour at a time for 2 months and were never what your pediatrician called “milk-drunk”. You were so wide-awake that it was hard for you to sleep at all! When you hit 2 months, however, your temperament kicked in and we got to see the groundwork of your future personality.

You were very sensitive to a lot of things and it was hard because you were growing too quickly for a baby your age and getting way too many teeth! You wanted to be held just the right way; you loved being vigorously jiggled and patted; and you were very alert to changes in your environment. Your sensitivity bloomed into something beautiful this year. You feel everything very deeply: happiness, sadness, joy, pain, glee and contentment. Even though sometimes it was and is still painful, we see you giggling more, chuckling to yourself when playing alone sometimes, playing games and pranks on mommy and daddy, dancing to your favorite music and watching some of your favorite television shows (you are quite partial to Jake and the Neverland Pirates) on your boppy pillow with your bottle and blanket. We do not ever want you to stop feeling so deeply and passionately, Wilson. Even though the lows can be painful, it is worth it to experience the happiness that life has to offer you.

You have also worked hard to be able to regulate your emotions, eating and sleeping. Because you have what is called a “difficult” temperament (Mommy blames your father for that one), it is hard to understand when to start and stop things and how to feel. You also had to face a lot of pain this first year (learning to deal with constant growth spurts and teething pain), which was hard. Mommy and Daddy did our best to try to teach you how to slow down, take breaths (and you are even starting to do them!), try to understand what was happening and support you the best we could. We also tried to teach you boundaries and what was unacceptable. I think you may have broken the record for the youngest baby to throw a temper tantrum! You screamed at one of your toys when it would not do what you wanted when you were only 3 months old. And you had full-blown temper break-downs at 10 months. Mommy and Daddy did our best to teach you what was “not for you” what was unacceptable communication for distress (hitting, throwing things and smacking your head on various objects…) and how to deal with not always getting what you want. Something that everyone, even as adults, is still learning. You are doing pretty good with this now, not crying for as long, finding a new toy on your own and bouncing back much quicker than you did before. You love eating and do eat a lot – 3 meals a day, 2 snacks and half a gallon of formula/breast milk a day!! You certainly aren’t picky though! We are still trying to get sleep figured out, but you went from sleeping with mommy and waking up 5 times a night for about 8 months to sleeping in your crib and only waking up 1 to 2 times a night without any transition at all. You just told us it was time and we listened. We learned very quickly that you communicate your needs very well and it is important that we listen carefully because when you are ready for the next step, you go flying into it!

We also learned that you really needed us a lot. Maybe because it was hard to regulate or understand the world or even because you were in a lot of pain, you liked to be strapped to our chests or held in our arms for a very long time. This grew to be a wonderful affection and love for others that I see in you every day. You will be playing by yourself and come running over to hug our leg or be picked up so you can give us a kiss. You love your fuzzy blankets and stuffed animals and hug and love them lots too. You try to give Lainey kisses, something, which we frown upon, but happens anyway. We always want you to know that we love you and love that you need us. We know it will be all too soon that you will be a teenager and it won’t be as cool to hug your mom and dad or to snuggle with them before you go to bed. But, we will always love you, hug and tell you how beautiful it is that you are loving, caring and affectionate. And we won’t tell your friends if you still do ask for us to tuck you in before bed.

We also noticed that you are a little researcher. You pick up and investigate new things by making your researcher face, looking it all over, shaking it, tasting it, investigating every inch of the new item. You crave the novel and like to move things around so that they are in new places just to create something interesting. We’re pretty sure you get this from mommy. You are physically gifted, having great spatial awareness, moving quickly and at young ages. We’re absolutely positive you got this from daddy. You will be too when you get older and see mommy try to throw a ball. You are funny – you like to put things where they do not belong and giggle about it. You love to hang upside down, chase the dogs, push things across the floor and giggle infectiously to grandma and grandpa on Skype. You love doors, electronics, t.v. remotes (we have dedicated one to you that has no batteries, much to your chagrin), balloons, cars, fuzzy animals, trains, monkeys and dogs. These seem to amuse you, although we always wonder what you are really thinking. You have learned to talk quickly too – so far you say mom-mom, dada (which you whisper), dog-dog, ca (for cat), ama (grandma), aapa (grandpa), all da (all done), mo (more), na na na (no), yah (yep), hi, baba (bottle). You also use signs for all done, more and help.

It’s not just you that has changed this year. Daddy and mommy have changed quite a bit too. Even though Daddy was very afraid that he would not be a good Daddy, Mommy sees how amazing he is every day. He babywears you, takes you for walks, feeds you, plays with you, hugs you, changes you, makes fun play areas for you and painstakingly tries to make our house baby-safe. Although mommy has a sneaking suspicion that if he could wrap the floors and walls with pads, he probably would. Before you were born, Daddy told Mommy that he did not know if he could love anything as much as he loved Mommy. And then when you were born, he loved you the moment you came out and realized that he has two sunshines in his life now. Although he gets frustrated sometimes because he wants to do everything right for you, you have brought him a level of happiness and desire for life that he never thought possible.

Mommy changed too. Mommy learned that you can function on minimal broken sleep for months, that pumping breastmilk requires persistence and just like in other parts of her life, obstacles put in her path don’t keep her down for long. Mommy is definitely not your traditional mommy; she doesn’t worry about you falling or hurting yourself, but she does love to snuggle you and reassure you. Mommy learned how to be a whole person again this year: a mommy, a wife, a teacher, a researcher, a shaman, a social advocate, a friend (although that’s been hard to do this year, just ask her friends!), a counselor and a pet partner (animal-assisted therapy). You taught mommy to take things slow, to not take things for granted, to be in the moment, to time manage, to laugh at the little things, to take time for herself, to never back down from a challenge and to be authentic to who you are…always.

We have a lot more to learn and we look forward to all that we have yet to teach each other. We are blessed to be your guardians and to travel with you to show you this quirky thing called life. Thank you for making us realize what really matters in life again.

We have and will always love you,

Mommy and Daddy

p.s. Although tomorrow at your party you will get your birthday gifts, your gift to us was your first night of uninterrupted sleep (6:30 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. – and you even went back to bed for an hour and a half after drinking a bottle). Thanks for that and please feel free to sleep like that again.