Tempering the Temperament...part deux

I laid in my bath tonight reading my Mama PhD book after giving Wilson his bath and passing him off to Mike. I listened to Wilson scream as Mike put on his pajamas, but after about 2 minutes, I heard nothing in the other room. I wondered...Hmm. Either they've killed each other or Wilson is getting better. I walked into the room after my bath and found Wilson peacefully taking his bottle from Mike who was cuddling him and softly singing, "I am what I am" - a meditation song that we sang together this week during our nightly meditation. Mike added to it "You are what you are" as he softly sang my son to sleep.

This has been the capstone of our persistent work with Wilson, our little DC (difficult child), as Mike calls him. I've organized our house into "stations" - there's the swing, the nap nanny in front of the television, his playgym mat, his tummy time mat, a beautiful blanket my niece made us which serves as his tummy and roll over practice mat, his Bumbo chair, his vibrating chair, his jumper, his walker and his high chair [all in different areas of the house]. After Wilson wakes up in the morning, we play with him on the changing table, get him dressed and spend a few minutes holding him. Then he's off onto the circuit to sit/play independently. When he gets mad or bored, we try to talk him through it and then if successful, walk away. If unsuccessful, we take him to the next station and let him play. Rinse and repeat until he indicates he's unhappy with everything, which usually indicates he's tired and ready for his bottle and his nap. We try every time to put him down in his pack and play to nap - something which was impossible a month ago. We try to make it out of the house at least once a day - always bringing the babywearing carrier just in case. At night, we have dinner, do our nightly meditation as a family (although it's always singing meditations and requires some baby-entertaining at the same time), have bath time, then put him to bed in his crib in his own room. If at any point he does his "mad cry" (which has been often in the past), we try to talk him through it where he is at, comforting him with touch and with our voices. If that doesn't work (he's been known to scream so loud and cry so hard that he loses his breath), we hold him close - talk to him reassuringly and say lots of things I know he doesn't understand, but we'll continue to say to him as he gets older and does - we love him, he's ok, we are there, take a breath (although this really for our benefit rather than his) and that we are there to help him. He usually calms down quickly and we take him back to the circuit.

So that's our "work'; here's our progress in the last month since we started. He now only requires holding to help him calm down a few times a day (down from easily over 20 times a day). He now sits independently for hours every day (up from a few minutes a day last month). We've been able to get work done, take care of the house, spend time together, catch up on our tv, watch some movies AND spend lots of time with him, playing and loving our new role as parents. He isn't crazy about his swing, but has sat in it for 30 minutes at one time recently, his nap nanny for an hour or more, his baby gym for 30 minutes, he's now rolling over!! and sits in his high chair, while we eat dinner - which I've have been able to cook consistently for over a week. A few times I had to babywear him while cooking, but he was quite content to sit there and watch me prepare our meal. He sits patiently through our meditation, giggling at our singing and enjoying when I do a little baby yoga while we sing. He's doing about 50% better in his car seat - and he rarely every cries for no apparent reason anymore. He does sleep in his crib - sleeping 4 to 5 hours, gets his bottle, back down for 3 hours, another bottle, then 3 more hours, another part of a bottle, then 1 hour before getting up for the day. He's done this so consistently that I now wake up before he starts crying!

Here's what we've learned: this approach seems to be working for us for now and it's helped us get to know our Big Willy. He wants to be part of everything and he's very interested in the world. He would like to be walking already and loves to be stood up and even moves himself in his walker. He's got such a cute blooming personality and every day he seems to mellow out more and more. Mike and I reconnected to each other with some deep conversations settling on what we needed from the other (I asked for more positivity; he asked for healthier meals). We put together a schedule that was fair to both of us and allowed me to do work. In balancing my roles as academic and mother, I realized that I cannot separate the two: I am both. So, as a true collectivist, I have decided that little Wilson needs to be part of my life at school as well. So we are going to attempt to begin to go to work together and have a few "stations" at the office. I'm also going to have my at-home writing time after I put him to bed and try going to the gym and have date nights again.

I don't know if this will continue to work, if we will be able to stick to our schedule or if it will all fall apart when he gets sick or starts teething. I'm definitely sure we'll face new challenges, we'll have to try new things and we'll have to learn to adapt and be flexible as we go. But I do know this: it's getting better.