Wilson's Birth Story

I've got a spare moment so I figured I would get this down while I can! It's incredibly long, but then, again, so was my labor and delivery. I think if I just told people the stats associated with Wilson's birth story, you would think that my experience must have been absolutely horrific: Induction for a medical complication (emotionally reactive blood pressure), misoprostol induction, highest possible dose of pitocin induction, 50 hours of labor, 38 hours of intense labor, and 5 hours of pushing. But, it wasn't horrific at all; I felt empowered, supported, present and strong every step of the way. 

If you've read other entries in my blog, you know my viewpoint on medical interventions for birth; I'm not in favor of them unless they are absolutely necessary. Unfortunately, I found myself in just that situation. My midwives at Women's Health Associates had been so patient with me through my 2 weeks of reactive blood pressure. My Blood pressure, responding to any emotion, had gone up as high as 170/110, but it would quickly regulate, so they supported my decision to hope for natural labor to start and stay at home and stay as calm as possible. I tried to do a lot of the natural induction methods, but in the end, when nothing worked, I decided to focus on my new mantra of patience, trust and acceptance. Whatever was meant to happen would. Little did I know this mantra and experience was preparing me for my birth experience. I had been having contractions, all early labor contractions, for over 3 weeks. I was up to 3 cm dilated, but no progress past that.

On Tuesday, August 14th in the early morning, I went to my midwives' office and watched my blood pressure go up higher than it had before. We decided to go to Yale Labor Triage to have them screen me (again) for preeclampsia and monitor my blood pressure. Even though my blood pressure went back down again and all the results came back normal, I agreed with my providers that something was amiss. Seeing my blood pressure go up to close to 200 over 120, even if it came back down was just not safe for me or the baby. The midwives gave me their opinion to induce and let me and Mike talk it over. I texted my doula from Birth Partners, who just so happened to be in the hospital with a client who was laboring (she was due in September). So she came right down and helped us talk out what we wanted. In the end, I felt it was a real enough concern to warrant the risks associated with induction. So, I went on to a labor and delivery room while Mike ran home to hug our dogs and cats and grab our hospital bag. 

After a whole day at Yale, I was already having surges/contractions, but not enough to start serious labor, so the first intervention was to place 1/4 of a misoprostol pill next to my cervix around 7 p.m. Because of the intervention, I had to start with continuous monitoring belts and a hep lock, which wasn't comfortable, but necessary because the intervention carries risks to mother and baby. My contractions started to increase and I felt them, but nothing totally noteworthy yet. At 11 p.m., they did a second dose. I told Mike that the contractions were definitely stronger and more intense than the ones I experienced before, but I tried my best to rest. Unfortunately I could not. At 3 a.m., my water broke. My contractions started coming regularly and with intensity. I excitedly had Mike call the nurse who called my midwife practice and Mike called my back-up doula Amy, who came right over. Amy had taught us yoga for labor and we absolutely loved her. So even though induction wasn't our first choice, obviously, and our doula we had built the relationship was with another client, I felt excited to finally be in labor and also happy to have the calming influence of Amy, a yoga instructor, with us.

I immediately went into my hypnobirthing breathing and relaxation with each surge/contraction that I had learned with Cynthia. I was able to keep incredibly relaxed with each one and then rest in between, both mentally and physically. We played relaxing music which was all music that Amy had introduced to us (yoga for birth and meditation music) with some of my native music as well. The midwives and nurses kept the room so quiet and comfortable. I had my birthing gown on and was in control over all of my emotions and allowing my body to do all the work. At around 4 a.m. when my midwife checked me, I was 90% thinned and 4 cm dilated. I fully committed to the relaxation and work of giving birth. I took whatever position my body told me to be in; I found myself doing a lot of spiraling - moving my hips in a spiral and breathing into the surges. I am told the contractions that I felt at this point were stronger than natural ones since I had been induced, but they were still manageable and I could visualize through them. My doula Amy helped remind me if she saw tension anywhere during a contraction, she encouraged me by telling me how great I was doing with my breaths, reminded me to do a cleansing breath at the end and brought me water, Recharge (granola-ish gatorade), provided firm pressure and massage, and made sure Mike took care of himself. When they started getting very intense, Amy suggested I try going into the shower. I couldn't get the tub room because I was induced, but I could walk around and try using the shower water. I, who wondered how I could ever possibly be naked in front of strangers, ripped my clothes off and ran into that shower....for the next 7 hours. I let the water run on my belly during a surge/contraction, then on my back during the break. I got into any position I wanted - on my hands and knees, on a stool, leaning forward and even sitting on the shower floor at one point. I found myself doing a lot of spiraling and just moving with my body. I kept myself in the present - I had no idea how long it was and no thought on what the next contraction would be like. When I started feeling a pressure/pushing sensation, however, I thought - hey! Maybe I'm nearing the end! And we got up to get my cervix checked which was around Wednesday afternoon. 

I was, however, unprepared to hear the next lovely piece of information. I was...90% thinned and 4 cm dilated. I looked at her in disbelief. Are you serious?!?!? The pushing I felt was because my little baby was sunny side up and pressing on the wrong part of my cervix. He was not really going to be a help in getting labor progressing because of his position. The main problem, however, was not that I wasn't feeling safe or relaxing or totally committed, but my body was just not responding physically to these contractions. My midwife explained that she saw me doing all that good work, but my body just wasn't responding to the more natural contractions, so we would need to move to Pitocin to get things moving. I agreed and at that point after moving back to the shower to just wash away the disappointment and keep my focus on my relaxation and breathing. As much as I had learned about natural labor progression through hypnobirthing and my childbirth classes through Birth Partners, they were helping me much more with understanding and surrendering to the fact that my labor was not progressing normally. I focused on my mantra; patience, trust and acceptance. And I knew that I had to listen to my body, work with my body, and stay in control of my emotions. Amy and Mike were by my side every step; Elise (the second shift from my midwife practice) was so calming and helpful that I continued to feel safe and empowered. 

I said goodbye to my friend, the shower, and got hooked up to the IV for Pitocin. I logically knew that these contractions were supposed to be much more painful than normal ones, but I didn't allow myself to even go there. I stayed with my breathing and in the moment. I suddenly heard my body express how tired, mentally and physically I was. I had not slept since Monday night and had been in labor for almost 24 hours at this point. I started talking to my doula about getting the milder narcotic with benadryl that let you sleep for a little while. I knew if I had any hope of getting through this labor empowered, strong and confident, I would need energy and rest. Mike had gone to get something to eat, so Amy called in my midwife and we talked about it. We talked about my reasoning - that I had been in labor so long with no sleep and to hear that I wasn't progressing was disappointing. I agreed, but added that I was prepared to go the long haul. But I had to listen to my body which said I needed rest. We went through the risks to me and Wilson with taking the narcotic, as well as the benefits. Elise reminded me that I had, during my whole pregnancy, made Mike a huge part of my decision-making process and asked if I wanted to wait for him to come back. I agreed, asked Amy to call him and joked that he had better agree with me if he knew what was good for him! Of course, he did; and they brought me the narcotic and benadryl and I drifted off into 2 hours of sleep, interrupted by stronger Pitocin contractions, but I was able to mentally view them from a distance. I would feel them, but be able to release completely into them and relax. Again, I was using my hypnobirthing techniques, combined with medical interventions. I felt calm and confident with my decision.

Then the narcotic stopped working. But, I was rested and felt I had more energy. The surges/contractions were definitely much more intense, but again, with Amy and Mike's support, as well as all I had learned, I visualized, relaxed and stayed in the moment. I had no sense of time at all, just the knowledge of the surge coming, peaking, leaving like an ocean wave. Then I would do my restful breathing in the rest, thankful for how nature gave me a resting period to refresh. After several more hours into late Wednesday night/Thursday morning, I received another shot of the narcotic/benadryl and got about a half an hour of sleep. Unfortunately, I woke up to the worst contraction I had ever felt with no focus or presence of mind. I cried out and reached for Mike's hand - squeezing the crap out of it. Amy helped me get my breathing under control, but it took every ounce of strength I had not to lose it. They had me up to the highest possible legal dose of Pitocin because I was still not progressing and the contractions (I can no longer refer to them as surges because there was nothing natural about them) felt about 100 times as intense and like someone was ripping my uterus out of my body. Elise came in and started tracing small circles on the back of my right hand, Mike was holding onto my left hand and Amy rubbed and applied pressure to my feet. I told them all that what they were doing was so helping me, so unfortunately they were not allowed to stop. To get through these, I did not just do hypnobirthing breaths, I went into a full-on trance. I released completely into each, stayed in the present, breathed through each one and tried to relax every part of my body. I found myself spiraling again and entered what I can only call a completely amnesiac state. As intensely as one contraction would come, after it I would have no memory of it. I was able to sit on the toilet for awhile, which helped. Amy was so supportive and helped me, with Mike's support, get into a position every time that was so comforting. We slowly moved back to the bed and I could feel again myself starting to fade. My body didn't have much energy left and it was telling me that it couldn't take much more of these contractions, physically and mentally. During a resting period, I started talking to Mike about getting the epidural. He reminded me of the transition time where some women just want to give up and not be there anymore - run away from it all. He reminded me that I didn't want the epidural before and just wanted to make sure I made a decision I would be happy with. I agreed that we should check my progression, but I told him I was so in touch with my body at this point that I knew it was not running away, it was my body telling me it was suffering and needed help. We went through the risks and benefits again (during my breaks) and then was checked by Elise. I was now 5 cm dilated and 100% thinned; Wilson was at -1. I was right; I was not in transition. So in the early hours of Thursday, after about 36 hours of labor, I got the epidural. I knew that while I waited for them to come, I could not lose my focus. I went back into the trance and nearly broke Mike's hand during each contraction. Before I knew it, they were there and ready to put in my epidural. I knew it was such the right decision because my body took to it easily, I fell into the nurse's arms, curved completely perfectly, felt no pain from the needle and was done in literally 5 minutes. The relief came slowly at first, then quickly. I smiled, called my mother so she didn't call the police wondering what was going on in my labor and then slept blissfully. 

The next midwife shift came on, Debbie, and she rechecked me. I was now 7 cm dilated. I had to keep changing positions because the medicine would pool and I had to be monitored continually. Eventually they went to internal monitors because at one point, Wilson's heart rate dipped quite low during a contraction. Debbie went inside and stroked his head, which apparently he liked because he regulated immediately. They reassured me that everything was ok with him, however; and I, still being calm and confident said, "I know. I can feel him. These are just strong contractions for him too." I kept listening to my body, using my breathing and relaxation imagery, and getting into different positions that I felt intuitively would help. They gave me an infusion of amniotic fluid so that Wilson would be more comfortable and that I would have more time to progress. Before I knew it, late Thursday morning, I was 9 cm dilated. As the sensations started to get stronger, I knew I would need all my energy for my pushing; I asked to get one last booster for my epidural so I could get my rest and conserve. It helped me sleep a bit more, then I woke ready to push. Unfortunately, my body wasn't. It was 5 hours later and I was still 9 cm dilated. Debbie sat down and let us know that a c-section may be a reality. I had now gone 44 hours into labor, was on the highest possible dose of Pitocin and she was concerned about my ability to push after that long of a labor. We talked about how both Wilson and I were fine right now, but it may come to a c section if his heart rate was to plummet. Mike and I talked about it; that if it had to happen, we sure had tried hard and my midwives had given me every possibility to not have one. We decided that it would be ok no matter what, but I still had more time. I saw the sadness on Mike's face; I knew he wanted this vaginal birth for me as much as I did, especially since I had gone so far already. So, I got serious. I asked the nurses if I could lay on my right side; I wanted to make sure Wilson's heart rate was ok if I was on that side. My body told me that this was the side I needed to be on. So I went. I focused my breathing and visualizations, using my hypnobirthing and then my spiritual shamanic meditations as well. I connected to Wilson and asked him to help me fully dilate and come down. Before long, I was feeling this ridiculous urge to push. I could not stop it and my body was pushing on its own. Debbie came back in and checked me, saying she wasn't sure anything could happen this fast, so not to get disappointed. But there I was fully dilated, effaced, Wilson was at 0 and I was ready to push.

Amy and I talked about what I would do with pushing; the technique of it and she asked me to think of a motivation. A time where I had accomplished something by pure force of effort; where I had to work hard and despite the odds, I made it. I practiced the breathing and pushing technique and then thought of all of the times in my life that I had "made it" despite the odds. When Amy asked me what it was that I was thinking of, I laughed. "My whole life" I said. Nothing has come easy to me, but I can persevere no matter what.  I believe in myself and I get a strong focus, then I just do it. I looked at her and smiled; I know I can do this.

Before pushing, some things blended together; Mike looking at me with love, telling me I was doing such a good job; Mike crying for me, Amy using loving touch to calm me, Amy or Mike bringing me water to drink from a straw, hearing the soft whispers of those loving hands around me, feeling the touch of Mike or Amy or one of my midwives, thoughts of Wilson, looking at the picture of my dogs, seeing the smiling faces of my helpers as I would make jokes about my complete lack of modesty and the ridiculousness of this situation, texting my blessingway buddies updates and seeing all the texts from people giving me their prayers, energy and support. I have no idea when these things happened, I just remember them and how much comfort they brought me.

I asked Mike to start my playlist of "Wilson Power Birth", a collection of inspiring dance songs that reminded me to never give up - several nurses came into the room dancing throughout the day, which made me smile despite the circumstances. When we started pushing, it took me a little bit to figure it out, but once I did, I was so focused and pushed with my entire body. Amy kept reminding me to send the energy down, not to keep it in my face, which was not easy to do. I adjusted each time, found the place to push and pushed with all my might. Sometimes I got long breaks, sometimes I would have to push right after pushing before. Either way, I treated each one as a new push. I never thought about the time, just again, stayed in the present. I didn't focus on being tired; I was getting my vaginal birth and I knew I would get through it. I focused my breathing and did lots of cleansing breaths and relaxation breaths when I could. I was told I was a great "pusher" despite the epidural, but Wilson was posterior so he was making it hard for me to make progress. Debbie told me if he was in the right position, I would have had him already, which was just about an hour of pushing. I didn't know it at the time, but I pushed for almost 5 hours. I pulled my IV out by accident at one point and kept pushing even though they were repairing it at the same time. Each time, Mike, Amy or one of the nurses would hold my legs for me, encouraging me and telling me how great I was doing. I'm not one for cheerleading, but it felt great! Mike looked at me a few times with tears in his eyes; he could see the top of Wilson's head. 

At one point, Deb asked me how I felt about a vaccuum if I continued to need help. I just laughed; "At this point, I've learned not to close my mind to anything." She laughed and responded, "Let's see how you do on these next few pushes." Amy looked at me and said, "Misty, can you focus on being a bear? Be that mother bear and just push." I thought and said, "I can do that. I can do this." On the next push, I pushed him around the bend and made such progress that Debbie started putting on the scrubs. "Look what I'm doing!" She said. As happy as I was, the sensation of a baby in your vagina is not a pleasant one, go figure. It got more and more uncomfortable and when his head started to crown, I let out a little whimper and started to shake my head 'no'. Amy reminded me of how strong I was and that I could do this. Debbie said that it was nice to know I was human since she hadn't seen me waiver through this whole labor, but knew that I could do it too. I looked at the ceiling and said "I can do this!!!" I let out one more push, and his head was fully crowning. I let go and just took a breath. The next part was a little insane, as Mike said with my last push he could see Wilson's face; Mike let out a cry, looked at me, then heard an "eek" as he turned around to see Wilson "flying" out of me into a surprised midwife's arms. To me, I felt the sensation of crowning, then a huge release as it felt like he surfed a wave out of me.

He was on my belly in an instant and Mike was beside me crying. I let out a huge breath of relief and held my little Wilson on my belly as he cried. I talked to him, thanking the universe, my providers and all my teachers through my pregnancy for helping me to not only survive this labor, but to feel spiritually engaged, empowered, in control and ultimately, incredibly proud for bringing little Wilson into this world. It may have taken a year to get pregnant, 40 1/2 weeks of pregnancy with complications at the end, 50 hours of labor, 38 hours of heavy labor after my water broke, 5 hours of pushing and a second degree tear (thanks to Wilson's explosive entry), but I was here, with the little boy I dreamed of, my amazing husband and providers that will always be in my heart. I barely noticed the stitching, the placental delivery or anything else that happened after that. I saw Mike cut the cord and then could pull my little man to my chest. We hugged, cried and rejoiced.  Wilson Nicholas Ginicola was born 9:42 on August 16th, 2012, weighing 8 pounds and measuring 20 3/4 inches tall and brought with him the spiritual experience I wanted during birth.