The Waiting Game

So, it's August 11th. One day before my "guess" date. I'm really in no hurry to start labor, although I'm very excited to meet little Mr. Wilson. However, in these late stages of pregnancy I have developed something called "emotionally reactive blood pressure", which essentially means that strong emotions, like fear of birth, anxiety, anticipation - I've noticed even happiness - make my blood pressure go up temporarily until I calm down and bring it back down. It never goes up into really high danger ranges, but it's enough to cause a bit of concern (150/100). Thanks to my providers, who have been so patient with me, and my BFF and counselor-colleague Jess, who gave me lots of tools to avoid triggers and recover my calm more quickly, I've been able to bounce back pretty quickly. My providers, Women's Health Associates, have been amazing at giving me the medical knowledge and traditional medical advice, combined with their expertise as midwives and the risks involved in the medical interventions. They then leave the decision up to me, with, of course, all of the consents involved in that process. I have no doubt if I was with my old practice, I would have had an induction and a c-section already, despite the fact that Wilson and I are both doing well.

But, I do find myself in a bit of a quandary. Do I wait for labor to occur naturally with the risk of my momentarily higher blood pressure possibly putting us at risk or do I go for chemical induction which puts me at a higher risk for lots of other things, including blood pressure issues? So far, all of Wilson's non-stress tests (listening to his heart beat and movements) have been perfect; he's a very healthy little trooper. My blood pressure initially goes up, now especially when I have to measure it, then goes back down again. I have been tested multiple times and have no signs of preeclampsia, so currently, I feel that we are at little risk. So, I've been monitoring my BP at home and attempting lots of natural induction methods. 

But this brings up the first of many, I am sure, times when, as a parent, we feel so pressured to make the right decision for our child. Am I making the right decision? I'm trusting my intuition that says, right now, yes I am. I'm giving Wilson and my body the chance to progress naturally, considering all the risks from both non-intervention and intervention. But I can definitely see how vulnerable you feel as a parent to advice from well-meaning professionals (and non-professionals) to make a choice that you may intuitively feel is not necessary, and in the end, may be a poorer choice. Problem is, no one can tell you which choice is the poorer choice! So, at the moment, I know we are safe and healthy and have to take one day at a time. But, I definitely feel the push to get this little baby out. 

I'm definitely progressing; I'm 3 cm dilated - thanks to 2 not-so-comfortable cervical manipulations by my providers; I've lost my mucous plug (so gross - they need a new name for that!) and had bloody show (also needs a new name), both signs labor is coming closer. I'm having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions and I believe Wilson moved lower last night; his knee is no longer shoving into the top of my uterus, but somewhere around my belly button. I know this little guy has plans of his own and I'm going to trust him. If our birth journey has to take a different route, given that I've exhausted all the other possible options and it makes good sense to induce, I'm fine with that. But this waiting game is tough!

As Mike and I sat on the beach together a few days ago, we talked about how long this journey has really been. We reflected on trying to get pregnant; how that waiting game was so frustrating and upsetting. Our eyes were on one goal - getting pregnant; then it would all be "ok!". But getting pregnant was just the beginning; it opened up LOTS more issues, concerns and worries we didn't even think about. I know that this is the same thing. In a few weeks, this experience now will be a distant memory as I hold little Wilson and will then worry about LOTS more issues and potential problems! That did not comfort Mike, by the way. 

No matter what, we are so blessed to be here right now. I'm spending our last "alone" days with my favorite partner in crime - Mike, I have so many supportive friends and family members, I'm getting lots of sleep and rest and I'm enjoying these last few days of feeling Wilson inside my belly, like I will never feel him again. No matter what turn these next few days/weeks take, I know that if I stick with my intuition, trust my body, trust and listen to my care providers and take each day at a time, we will look back at this journey with fondness, never feeling out of control or negative about it. But, I'm still hoping little Wilson is as anxious to meet us as we are to meet him and decides to come soon!