So for the last four weeks or so, I have been experiencing "prodromal labor". Also known as early labor or false labor, it is essentially, early labor contractions that are, I can attest to, quite real, but go nowhere. Meaning that they vary from uncomfortable to intense; and although they can aid in labor progress (dilation and thinning of the cervix), it's not real labor and ends up stopping, only to come back again the next day or even within a few hours. Needless to say, weeks of on and off contractions can really make it difficult to do work, care for a toddler, clean the house, oh... do anything.
As I googled prodromal labor for the 50th time trying to find an answer to why I am experiencing this in a feeble attempt at feeling slightly informed or in control, I learned a few things. These contractions can be useful in getting a baby in position; one theory is that the contractions serve to push the baby into the correct position. And indeed, they did lessen when Waylon appeared to change positions. Another theory is that they are linked to second-time and later mothers as the uterus is more sensitive to oxytocin and "knows" what to do. But the most compelling theory I read was in a OB's blog, who noted that anecdotally, he saw this kind of labor in mothers whose babies appeared ready to be born, but whose mothers were not psychologically or emotionally ready.
As I googled prodromal labor for the 50th time trying to find an answer to why I am experiencing this in a feeble attempt at feeling slightly informed or in control, I learned a few things. These contractions can be useful in getting a baby in position; one theory is that the contractions serve to push the baby into the correct position. And indeed, they did lessen when Waylon appeared to change positions. Another theory is that they are linked to second-time and later mothers as the uterus is more sensitive to oxytocin and "knows" what to do. But the most compelling theory I read was in a OB's blog, who noted that anecdotally, he saw this kind of labor in mothers whose babies appeared ready to be born, but whose mothers were not psychologically or emotionally ready.
Understatement of the year, that theory. Although my common sense and my extensive college education would make it very clear how babies are born, I was not thinking that I would get pregnant right away. It took me 3 years to get pregnant with Wilson; it was literally hard work and we totally lost sight of the fact that that it only takes one sexual encounter to lead to pregnancy: we became those teenagers on 16 and pregnant believing stupid things (minus the ridiculously active fertility). Our lesson with Wilson was getting pregnant was difficult - a serious undertaking. When we decided to start trying again, my mother warned me that "it happens easier the second time around", so even though we were trying the first month, we skipped my ovulation time. Hey, practice makes perfect; and we were both a little gun-shy after having a difficult infant and toddler. But, this baby was ready to be conceived - my ovulation moved up a full week and a half and I got pregnant right out of the gate. This meant that instead of my beautiful calculations of having a 3 year old in preschool and an infant, I would now have two children under the age of 2. Awesome sauce.
So, I started off, not being too ready. Then, when the contractions started, one of the first thoughts that came into my mind was how much work I had left to do. This was literally my To Do List when prodromal labor started about a month ago:
Buy and Install Stairway GateBuy 2 white noise makersSecure Nursery Furniture with Dresser StrapsDo spring cleaningFinish Waylon’s NurseryBirth PlanBuy Deck GateBring baby stuff down from atticPack Hospital BagOrganize houseFinish paying doulaSend Postpartum Placenta PaperworkCall insurance – re: doula & pre-certification for Yale hospital/ send in Yale paperworkNewborn photos contractReschedule Thursdays to Wednesdays for AppointmentsTake Mike’s Car In for BrakesTake My Car In for ServiceReturn Carter’sGet Diaper Changer from BasementClean & Organize OfficeCopy Course Content to Psychopharm Class for AugustOrganize Portfolio Paperwork into one areaGSA Schedule for 2014-2015Submit Teaching Book ProposalGSA Student Mentors & OrientationGet in all Paperwork for LicensureMulticultural StudyIRBCreate Online SurveyCES Journal ReviewingGraduate Institute Course for FallDSM-5 Presentation for UCONN in AugustFinish Multicultural ArticleGender Role StudyIRBCreate Online SurveySubmit RA PaperworkCT-ALGBTICCCA Multicultural Committee
CACES Resources and Goal SettingSet Diversity Committee Events for Next YearChange Baby Signs Business Name & Do TaxesLGBQ & Religion StudyFinish InterviewsDo Thematic AnalysesFinish all Technology Committee TasksFinish Report for President’s CommissionCACREP Mid Cycle ReportCACREP Evaluation Report & Other Compliance TasksLGBTQ+ Book ProposalFinish Grading for ALL ClassesReligion & Counselor Ed ArticleFinish Mutt-i-grees Publication
Please note that one item on this list could be an immense task - like writing a 50 page report for the President's Commission or grading multiple papers and finals for 4 graduate level courses. Also, note that shit is crossed out. I actually DID everything on my list for home and work.
However, that was not my only worry or anxiety when I started having contractions. My next thought was, "Oh God, Oh God, we are all hot messes, how can we add another one???" Let me explain.
My husband is normally detail oriented, anal, organized and perfectionistic. Fatherhood and parenting a difficult-tempered child took some of that out of him, but knowing that another baby was coming has made him a serious hot mess. He now was forgetful, distracted, half-listened to our conversations, broke things and lost things (like our toddler's shoes down the highway when he placed them on the car and then forgot to actually put them on when he got him in the carseat). Every morning he grated his ignition forgetting that he had already started the carstarter when he put the key in; and every night he desperately tried to get some gaming time in (while dodging flying objects from our toddler lodging random complaints of this activity which did not include him), full well knowing that any personal time he currently has is coming to an screeching halt as soon as Waylon appears. If you know Mike, you know that distraction and mistakes are NOT like him at all. Let's just say, I'm not used to being the stable one. He is anxious and anal; he usually, annoyingly, remembers everything that needs to be done and does it perfectly. But not, now; he's a hot, hot mess.
My son is a hotter mess. He is needy, demanding, high-maintenance - oh, and a toddler. He grabs at everything, eats a huge amount, still gets up at night, has emotional regulation issues up the wazoo, has NOT quite mastered being gentle and needs our 100% full attention when he is awake. Wilson is stubborn and does things at his own pace. For example, he decided that he would like to use the potty. That was great and for 3 weeks, he had few mistakes and used the potty a lot. Then he decided, "eh, that was over-rated." And now, he hasn't used the potty in 2 weeks. Getting him to sit on it against his will would so not be worth it, as we have learned you don't force a difficult tempered child to do anything if you value your sanity. Wilson has a cold right now, so he's miserable, wiping his nose and face on everything in sight: me, Mike's pants as he's about to go to work, the dogs, the couch and the floor. He whines constantly and has no fear of repetition of his favorite things: every day we have to play Beyonce's Who Runs the World (Girls) and Katy Perry's Darkhorse repeatedly. Seriously. Back to Back, over and over. He asks for it in this pathetic whiny voice "Grrrrrllllsss...." and then "Keeeeeettttty". Although his tantrums have gotten better, he still throws himself on the floor dramatically, as I said in a previous blog, akin to a Spanish soap opera. We've done everything we can think of in preparing him for a little brother, but how my little hot mess will actually do with a new brother is a little scary to think about.
And then there's me. I may seem that I have my ducks in a row - mostly because somehow I do maintain productivity at work, but really I'm a bigger hot mess. I'm HORRIBLE with money and finances; and while I maintain focus at work, I leave laundry piles in the bedroom, dishes in the sink, trash 2 feet from the actual trash in the kitchen as I'm horribly distracted at home. With Wilson, I found a way to mostly balance work and home - something I was very proud of - but couldn't figure how to balance anything else - like a social life, eating healthy, spiritual needs or working out. I consider myself a very resilient person, but weird shit happens to me all the time. Like a 50-hour labor with Wilson. Random illnesses that no other person has heard of. I got the swine flu when it was on the decline. I have vaccine reactions. I have a genetic condition called hypermobile joints, meaning I'm mostly double-jointed and injure myself when I sleep and especially when I'm pregnant and have the hormone Relaxin, which further relaxes my ligaments and joints (i.e., I literally throw a hip out every night when I sleep). I have prodromal labor. I also think a lot about how I had Postpartum Depression after I had Wilson. How am I going to survive a toddler AND a newborn with my sanity intact? Being in the third trimester, I'm the biggest hot mess of all: I sometimes can barely move (which my toddler takes full advantage of), have indigestion, insomnia, random hip-out, issues rolling over, distractability, forgetfulness, crave bucketloads of sweets, drink gallons of water a day and feel like something in between a teapot and a cooked turkey.
So, are we ready? No. But, without the definitive illusion that you have when you believe you are "ready" for your first child, no one could ever be really ready for a second child. You know what it will be like at first - the lack of sleep, the loss of identity, the things you weren't expecting, the difficulties you face healing from childbirth, all the things you cannot control... But, as I sit here tonight, I also reflect on all the things we can accomplish as a family and individually. Mike's sanity will return, he really is an epic father and his love for Wilson will soon be his love for Waylon as well. Wilson will be an excellent big brother - he wants to help, he loves babies and he really is the sweetest boy I've ever known. And I'll figure it out - just like I found a way to balance things with Wilson, I'll figure out my life again with 2 children. And together, we love each other and are capable of great things - I mean, look at that list - we did all that in 3 weeks, as hot messes with me having contractions. And we do have help - our close friends Jess and Joe, some awesome childcare help and family members who are willing to come to help us transition (thanks, Mom!).
So, I'm making it official. Universe, Waylon, body: I'M READY. That's right, bring it on. Labor, birth, fourth trimester, mother of multiple children. LET'S DO IT. Aaaaaannnnnd here comes a contraction.
I want to say a very big thanks to Dr.Ogbes for helping me with his Roots and Herbs,after 15years of marriage with no child but thank God today with the help of Dr.Ogbes roots and herbs i got pregnant with the period of 3weeks after the roots and herbs treatment and i pray God give him more power to help other stander out there trying to get pregnant.for help you can reach him via: Landofanswer@hotmail.com or call +2347050270227.
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