Happy Valentine's Day, My Loves!

To my big Valentine, Mike: When I met you about 10 years ago, I knew there was something special about you. And I had no idea how much my life was going to change! We had 8 years of pretty much pure bliss. Then we had kids. While I believe that our bliss will someday return (maybe after retirement?), watching you step up as a father and a husband has made me so proud of you and more in love with you each year. You always try so hard to be the best and most thoughtful father and husband; when you struggle or stumble, you are always the first to apologize, try even harder and let me know how much you love us. We don't have much family support here in town, but because we have each other, I know that we can get through anything.

To my little Valentine, Wilson: I see how sweet you are, even when you are feeling upset or sick. I love your kisses and hugs; I love how you want to be big and try to help out with everything that I do. Even when you are feeling pretty cranky and you see mommy or daddy take a few deep breaths, we always love you. Life is about to change pretty significantly for you, which will be difficult for all of us; but we want you to know that we believe you came to us for a reason and that our hearts are big enough for you and your little brother.

To my smallest Valentine: You are still in mommy's belly, but I hope that in a few months when you enter the world, you know that you will always be surrounded with love. Fair warning: we are a pretty crazy family and we are not perfect (or even close), but we will always love, respect and cherish you.

Second Verse, Not the Same As The First...

I had heard that every pregnancy was different; and that the second pregnancy was very different than the first, but I really was not sure how until I experienced it. So here I am, in my 6 month of pregnancy; and I have to say, it is a lot different.

1. Time is moving quicker. I'm in no hurry for numero dos to be born. Although I am sure I will feel differently near the end of the third trimester, right now I'd be happy if he stayed there until Wilson was 18 years old. But, time feels like it is flying. It feels like I just found out I was pregnant and now I am 1 week away from being in my third trimester. With Wilson, time moved so slow because I was conscious of every minute and so looking forward to the birth; which brings me to number 2.
2. I'm so not looking forward to the birth. It's not the labor I fear; rather it's the devastating change in life that is now lovingly coined the fourth trimester. Where sleep is gone; your identity is gone; you look at your partner with resentment and disgust; your life changes entirely and it takes a good year for you to get your bearings. Which brings me to number 3.
3. I have no disillusionment this time around. With my first pregnancy, I couldn't wait. I couldn't wait until I was out of the first trimester. I couldn't wait until I felt the baby. I couldn't wait until the baby reached viability. I couldn't wait until my first contraction started. I couldn't wait until I met my son. This pregnancy, I absolutely can wait. Because with every milestone you reach comes a new challenge, a new ordeal and a new obstacle. I am happy to stay pregnant now, even though being pregnant sucks too. When I was pregnant with Wilson, I remember thinking how happy I would be when this baby came out and I got my body back. What I didn't realize, is that you don't really get your body back; along with that loss comes your sleep, time, energy, leisure and toilet time (I remember the days of peeing alone). And even though I'm not afraid of it, I'm not eager for labor. 
4. The first time around, I was PETRIFIED of labor. I wanted to believe that it would not be painful and that I could have an easy labor. After 50 hours of induced active labor in the hospital and 5 hours of pushing, I have no illusions about labor. But, I also know I can survive it - even when it is long and arduous. My midwives swear to me that this baby will, in comparison, just fall out, which would be fabulous. But, if not, I'm prepared. Not eager for it; but prepared. 
5. My first pregnancy, I slept. ALOT. The first trimester was a blur of sleeping on the couch, throwing up and going back to sleep. I napped frequently and was still exhausted. In my second pregnancy, rest and relaxation is a bit more difficult to attain with a toddler. "I love you, Wilson, but mommy can't move or she'll throw up." Wilson looks at me with disapproval, whines, then runs and smacks the refrigerator. "Oh, I guess I do have to feed you." Of course, that happens every half an hour, as he either wants to eat snacks, meals, a bottle, or his sippy cup. And that doesn't include the time that he wants to be held, snuggle, play, lead me around by the hand to ask for things he can't have or just to feel connected to me, which believe me I want to...just not while I'm having morning (er...all-day sickness). On Friday, I laid on the couch and said, "Wilson, mommy is getting sick. Can you take it easy on mommy today?" He looked at me, patted my head, laughed and then climbed up on me and sat on my head. Yep. 
6. I have an inside baby and an outside baby. And they don't communicate. Sometimes Wilson will push on my belly and Wayland will kick him back. But because of his age, Wilson is oblivious to the presence of Wayland. And besides for potentially recognizing Wilson's whines, screams and giggles, I think it's safe to assume that Wayland is not that sure of who makes all those cute and yet annoying noises. Meaning that I can't explain to Wayland why I forgot to eat lunch yesterday (because Wilson didn't feel well and due to being busy and fatigue, I simply forgot). And I can't explain to Wilson why mommy's belly keeps getting huge, she's tired all the time and why for the first 5 months, throwing up became a normal pastime in the Ginicola house. I know that he is wondering though...I gave him a little flashlight yesterday and the first thing he did was turn it on, pull up my shirt and push it against my belly. I told him that he couldn't see Wayland that way, but he kept trying anyway. 
7. You get bigger....faster. I already look like I'm about 8 months pregnant and I'm only 6 months. When I was 2 months pregnant, I looked like I was 4 months. It's not pretty and I hope it slows down soon or I'll just be one giant belly and two huge boobs by full term.

Well, at least there's hope! I'm saving out hope that this theme continues and Wayland, unlike Wilson, will be easy-tempered, sleepy and chill. Please, Universe. Give me chill.