You Know What They Say...

One of the most interesting things that has happened to us as new parents is being exposed to the barrage of advice that assaults you at every turn. Some very useful, some not so much. As with people's opinions in my pregnancy, Mike and I tried to sift out what resonated with us and what did not, balancing our intuition with research. But the stakes are much higher now, it feels. 

We look at little Wilson and worry that we may be choosing the wrong thing - whose advice should we listen to? Add on top of that that every child is different and we are starting to get an idea of the immense pressure that parents feel every day when choosing anything for their child. 

When it comes to sleep, we hear to swaddle him tightly, don't swaddle because it can hurt their development and their hips, make sure you lay them on their back because of SIDS, feed him until he's stuffed, then force feed him some more, let him graze, don't let him graze, let him sleep on you, don't let him sleep on you, etc. For breastfeeding and pumping, I've heard everything from drink beer to using different holds (football being a favorite piece of advice) to avoid certain foods so that I don't make the baby gassy. We've heard that we should stop Wilson from eating so much and to let him eat as much as he wants. If you truly listened to all this advice, we'd be dizzy, depressed and confused.

So instead of listening to all the advice, we've tried our best to listen to our instincts and to Wilson himself. He seems to tell us what he needs and what works better than anyone else. He hates being swaddled and loves to lay on his stomach (I have only let him do it when I'm awake, but I've learned that many parents do this as their dark parenting secret since many babies sleep so much better this way). He loves baths. He eats voraciously and goes through a lot of growth spurts every few days - waking up every hour to eat sometimes all night and all day. He loves to sleep on us and prefers physical contact with us for a lot of the time, but sometimes he likes to sleep in his bassinet or nap nanny under a blanket with no one near him. Sometimes he likes to graze - drinking half an ounce (painful when I've just made 3 ounces of formula) - other times he drinks 5 ounces (painful when it just took me a long time to pump and watch him put it down in 3 minutes). I hate beer and am producing enough milk now - although I have uneven milk production for some reason (I have a lazy boob apparently) and Wilson still hasn't latched. He tries a few times and does really well with my encouragement, but my intuition tells me he's still not ready. Luckily we have Dr. Smillie, who has been successful with getting infants to breastfeed even when they haven't latched for a year. Wilson loves to be sung to, taking car rides (as long as we don't stop too much), being hugged and his mom (sometimes when he's fussy, he just wants to look at me and he calms down immediately). 

So, Mike and I, as we sift through the advice that "makes sense" and those that do not for Wilson, have found that everyone has an opinion (and possibly judgment) of what should be done and what we are doing. But, in the end, the only opinion that matters is Wilson's, Mike's and mine. We are the ones that have to make the choices and live with the consequences. We listen to the advice of those we trust and the advice that resonates with what we know of Wilson from these few weeks of his life. One thing is for sure; he keeps us on our toes and what works today, may change tomorrow. So once again, we have to live in the moment, trust our instincts and be respectful and mindful of the new little person who has completely transformed our life.